Tonight’s rather tame episode was, for me, a tale of four women. First, in preparation for my musings, I fast-forwarded back through the entire show to refresh my memory. I believe all I saw was Arie kissing My Girl Bekah for about 90 minutes.
Jenna had a I-didn’t-come-here-for-this-so-don’t even-try-to-give-me-a-goodbye-hug exit which deserves detailed scrutiny.
- “I got broken up with for the first time.”
Maybe I don’t understand relationships but my understanding of relationships is that you can’t break up with someone you don’t actually have a relationship with. Still, this begged further questions: Was she the breaker-upper in her past relationships? If so, would her exes agree with her? Or was this her first relationship? Actually, I don’t care whatever the answer is.
- “I’m so, like, shocked. I literally came into this thinking I would end up with him.”
The logician in me would like to explain to her that the odds of her ending up with him – all things being equal – were one in 26 or about four percent. But love, of course, defies logic so basically, she’s just delusional.
- “He literally just picked a taxidermist over me.”
OK, catty as that sounds, I’m willing to give her this one. Personally, the thought of a relationship that would involve animal carcasses would make even Halle Berry or Scarlett Johansson a lot less attractive to me.
- “I just feel like I embarrassed myself.”
The logician in me would have loved to explain to her that – all things being equal – the odds of any girl embarrassing herself on a The Bachelor are greater than the four percent chance of ending up engaged. But she didn’t look to be in the mood to listen to logic.
Finally, we have Stalker Krystal (the fitness trainer) vs. Bashful Bibiana (from Miami). In spite of getting a one-on-one date and having a rose, The Stalker felt the need to keep going after Arie in the aftermath of the group date. During the 30 minutes of the show when Arie and My Girl Bekah weren’t kissing, Bashful Bibiana complained about how little time she had with Arie. The logician in me thinks that if you had the gumption to leave your life behind for a four percent chance of winning the heart of the man of your dreams that you would actually try to talk to said man but once again, I grant that these things defy logic. At least Bibiana called out The Stalker with a quality rant for interrupting the brief moment she finally got with Arie. The Twitterverse seems to be here for their rivalry.
I do feel I need to comment on Arie. He seems to have this ability to make each girl feel like they are The One for Him. I can’t tell whether this is a sincerely attentive way of relating or if it’s something more sinister. Yes, I know the fantasy-although-real-in-the-moment nature of the show’s one-on-one dates contributes mightily to that feeling of Onesomeness but he seems better at this than any other Bachelor I’ve seen.
Having said that, the chemistry between him and Bekah right now is insane, amirite?
By the way, the singer during Stalker Krystal’s date was Connor Duermit who just released his debut 4-song EP last Friday.
Until next week . . .
 And by “these things” I mean anything related to The Bachelor franchise.