[cue Chris Harrison] TONIGHT THE DRAMATIC SEASON FINALE OF THE BACHELOR BEGINS!!!

[cue Justin Timberlake Sexy Back – “You ready? You ready?”]

Me getting ready for the four final hours of the “journey”.

snoop

By the way “journey” was heard five times in the first five minutes which would have been fine if it was this Journey.

Journey-Separate-Ways-Video-YouTube
“Here we stand, hearts broken in two, two, two-oo.”

[Disclosure: Given that the final Finale is coming right up, I’m pretty much going with a semi-stream of consciousness draft to get something posted before the final Finale. I’ll make a little time to throw in the usual junk, though. You feel me?]

Well we got thrown for quite a loop at the end, didn’t we? Hannah Ann – the “angel from God” Peter’s insane Mom prayed for to capture Peter’s heart – was the last girl left only to find out that Madison who had lost her senses and came to her senses is apparently losing her senses again if we are to believe the previews.

denzel
%^#*&@ Madison!!!

And all we have left are Chris’ assurances that even Peter doesn’t know how this all turns out which shouldn’t be that much of surprise since he can’t ever really decide on anything.

So how did we get here? We got a sense that things weren’t going to go smoothly when Peter’s parents and brother were surprised to hear that Madi had serious problems with him going zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poom[1] with two other girls. And her not wanting to zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poom with him.

2CB5F0B4-C8D8-4343-8ACF-E60AE24A0C23
“You really don’t want to sleep with my son? What kind of horrible monster are you?”

Screen Shot 2020-03-10 at 12.19.15 AMHannah Ann was the first to meet the parents and they were seriously impressed. She used the word “future” a lot, so if you had that word in your drinking game along with “journey”, you would have been lit enough to not think that Peter’s Mom (Barbara) was bat-guano crazy. That visit went great although I was uncomfortable with the way that Peter’s dad looked at Hannah Ann.

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When you go in for the kiss the day before you might propose and she’s thinking, “Nah.”

Madi got the next visit and everything about her face and body language suggested that this wasn’t going go to well and it didn’t. I thought she made a reasonable case to Peter that the reason she was hurt was that she made it clear if he zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poomed with other girls, that would be a problem for her; and he chose to zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poom with the other girls anyway. But I also understand the “why come on the show” argument against her, too. But if she was The One as became clear, maybe he would have showed more discretion? Well, maybe not given what we now know about his family’s values.

All of this eventually had Madi going gangsta on Barbara for being dismissive of her faith and her values, and it seemed like she was getting real clarity – ooops, take a sip – about her relationship problems with Peter.

red flagsPeter got time alone with the family to review his options with them. Peter’s history of ignoring red flags (as with Victoria F.) seems to be a thing since his family waved a zillion of them and he wasn’t having it. And that’s when we learned that Hannah Ann was the mystery girl who Barbara was pleading for Peter to bring home “to us”. You wanna talk about serious mother-in-law issues? [cue Ernie K. Doe Mother In Law]. Dang. This woman is a LOT.

Next, Madi breaks up with Peter on their last date at which point I was wondering how somebody on the show decided to became normal. Inside the Bachelor/Bachelorette bubble, everything is easy and the future looks so promising despite the obvious incompatibilities and the challenges of managing the relationship in the real world. Hence, why almost of the relationships fail. They’re simply unsustainable in real reality.

Despite the fairy tale tug of “love conquers all” and her dogged warrior-baller mentality, Madi seemed to have gotten it right – “It’s kind of time to surrender.” They are – and Peter’s family agrees – incompatible. Each would have to compromise too much of who they fundamentally are. She had figured out on the show what most of the couples figure out after the show. And I was like, “Yes, Madi! Go live your life.”

applause

Even Evan Bass, for whom things did work out with Carly on Paradise, snarkily agreed with me:

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The break-up with Madi made things get messy on his last date with Hannah Ann. Peter brought his usual baggage with him: “I had my heart broken yesterday but today I’m with someone I love.”

Oprah

sweatshirtHannah Ann could tell something was off during their daytime date and she certainly got clued in when Peter shows up for dinner in a sweatshirt and ends up leaving her in an all dressed up and nowhere to go type situation.

Which leaves us all hanging on a bunch of cliffs. Madi comes back in some fashion. We’re gonna see more of Barbara. Allegedly not even Peter knows what he’s going to do which implies that final rose didn’t get handed out during the taping. Which implies that Hannah Ann has seen how deep Peter was in his bag for Madi over her.

I hate how much I want to see how this turns out.

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[cue Joan Jett]
________________________________________________

[1] Lyrics from Wreckx-n-Effect Rump Shaker

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