It’s episode two of Charity the Amazing’s journey (take a sip) and tensions are already running high in the mansion, primarily focused on Brayden [cue The Clovers Devil or Angel] who we saw early and often. Let’s recap!
Aaron B. got the season’s first coveted 1-on-1 date. My Girl at Bachelordata has found that the first 1-on-1 should be coveted less than subsequent ones, as the guys who get them have tended to have early exits. That said, this date went very well, what with Charity driving them in and around LA in a vintage convertible Mustang as exquisite as she is, wearing a cool green jacket as exquisite as she is, and eventually arriving at the iconic Hollywood sign for some lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’[1], and a toast with a magnum of an unidentified bubbly.
Most importantly, the dinner date ended with a private concert and bachelordata tells us that contestants who get private concerts tend to go far more often than not. And in a worlds colliding moment for me, this private concert was by My Girl Lauren Alaina promoting her new single Just Wanna Know If You Love Me. Lauren was the American Idol runner-up in Season 10 (2011) as a 16-year-old and since then has become a consistent hit-maker and award winner and a Grand Ole Opry member. She’s also starred in a Hallmark movie. Don’t ask me how I know that.
Charity says that she and Aaron B. are off to a great start, and despite the trend being against the guy who gets the first 1-on-1, he has some big trends in his favor: first four out of the limo and lots of screen time last week, and the private concert this week. The Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) seem to be telling us that he’s going to be around for a while.
But back at the mansion, storm clouds of discontent are forming. Only fifteen minutes into the show, the boys are having a “right reasons” discussion with one guy – Adrian – making comparisons to guys on Spring Break. And Brayden’s narcissism is getting lots of screen time with a full package of self-referential utterances, bold clothes choices, and dangly earrings on display.
For Group Date #1, the guys played Dodgeball wearing only something that looked like Speedos that shrunk in the wash. This was the requisite Bodies and Testosterone date. That Brayden’s team won the competition and the honor of spending the evening with Charity came as no surprise since the EGPs want us to have extra servings of Brayden.
The extra servings of Brayden (who thinks he is mature) stirred up some beef with Adrian (whose mirror mirror on the wall tells him he’s the most mature of all) over whether Adrian from the losing team deserved to be included in the evening activities by Charity as the MVP of the Dodgeball game. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t a mature conversation.
Group Date #2 had a different sort of contest. This time the guys competed against each other for the right to be chosen by The Always Incredibly Dressed Charity to attempt to beat The Bachelor franchise record for the longest kiss. That record was held by Sean Lowe and Lesley M. and I remember it well because she worked in DC, was hot and smart, and I liked her.
Tennis Pro Joey aced his case for why Charity should pick him, and as witnessed by the guys along with a Guinness World Record adjudicator for an official verification, the mixed doubles team of Joey and Charity locked lips for 4 minutes 10 seconds, breaking the old record of 3:48. Thankfully we didn’t have to see the entire thing.
Less than thrilled that they had to see the entire thing were the rest of the guys on the Group Date. And even less than thrilled than them was Braydon when the guys (minus Joey who got a 1-on-1) reported on the date back at the mansion. He was so provoked by the “disrespectful” act of the girl he was dating kissing another guy in front of other guys, that he said he was packing his bags and getting out of Dodge. Uh, nobody told him how the show works? Does he think his First Impression Rose (FIR) was a Go Directly to Engagement card?
The day after The Kiss Heard Round the World, there is a backyard barbeque in lieu of a cocktail party, and things are about to go downhill. Brayden, wearing feather earrings, decided NOT to cut and run because now he needs Charity to ‘splain herself about the disrespectful kissing situation and if the ‘splanation failed to satisfy him, he was going to pick up his bags and leave.
What ensued was very strange. Brayden questions Charity’s character, says he felt lied to and reiterates his intention to pick up and run. In return, all she says is that she was sad that he was upset. And, POOF! Somehow in less than two minutes, he’s good. She’s good. They’re both good. WTF????? The EGPs must have edited that scene like crazy. And methinks the EGPs are building a narrative of Charity getting involved with the wrong guy which is built off her real-life narrative of getting involved with the wrong guy.
Later, the downhill slope of ill will gets steeper when Adrian apologizes for his “Spring Break” comment and Charity asks for more specifics about the “immature” behavior in the mansion. At first, he generalizes about “a lack of emotional intelligence”. He then eventually fesses up about how badly Brayden reacted to the kissing date, and it’s then that Charity realizes that Brayden hadn’t been forthcoming about referring to her as “classless” to the other guys.
This is enough for her to leave the bbq party and cancel the cocktail party. As the guys do a forensic analysis of what just happened, Adrian fesses up that he was the last guy to talk to her and what had happened was he told Charity about his ongoing beef with Her Boy Brayden. The two of them go at it and the guys are ticked about losing time with Charity [cue Journey Precious Time].
At the Rose Ceremony, of course, the EGPs have Charity give the last two roses to Adrian and Brayden. And because he has zero self-awareness, Brayden ends the night by toasting, uh, himself? “Thank you for choosing me and thank you for allowing me to stay here and connect with you more.” Wow, dude.
See you sometime next week. I’ll be reporting from California wine country.
P.S. This week’s viewing wine was one from Costco that I decided to try out. It easily passed the audition and I will be buying this again.
[1] Cue Journey. But that song is actually about a guy watching his girl do all that with another guy, in which case, cue Braydon but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
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