Thank you, Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) for one of the best episodes EVER[1]. This episode had everything (now switching to the voice of the Stefon character from SNL): drama over who is there for the right reasons; multiple guys beefing with multiple guys; a hysterically funny Group Date connected to a pop culture moment (the new Barbie movie) along with Bachelor Nation royalty; Charity will-she-or-won’t-he over her bad boy boyfriend; and a comically horrific 1-on-1 date with a “suitor” who had to be cast solely for the purpose of creating this moment.
Whew! Let’s try and recap all of this ridiculata.
Twenty-five men entered. Fourteen remain. Only one matters for now – Braydon. The EGPs are going to him early and often, much to the chagrin of the guys who are over it all.
Charity speaks obliquely about said drama and tells the guys that “she can’t do this anymore.” But she was referring to being in L.A. and the scene was moving to Oceanside, a beautiful town right on the ocean – duh – that I have a lot of work and personal connection to. But while the other guys are heading there, she’s having a 1-on-1 with Brayden in San Diego to sort out whether or not he is up to the task of watching his beloved date lots of other dudes. He ended up passing the test and gets his 1-on-1 Rose but this will be a recurring theme.
The Group Date in Oceanside was themed after the Barbie movie where all the guys had to dress up as various Ken dolls and compete for the heart of Charity as their real-life Barbie doll. Oceansiders were invited – I don’t recall seeing many guys in attendance – and the event was emceed by JoJo and Jordan. The EGPs made sure we knew that was one of the (few) couples whose love lasted after the show.
Much mirth and merriment ensued. Despite strong – and by “strong” I mean embarrassingly hilarious – performances by many of the guys (Dotun as Astronaut Ken and Caleb as Cowboy Ken were notable standouts.), Charity picks Double Denim Ken aka Sean. This sets off Aaron S. (“White Aaron”) who was Glitter Beach Ken, as he ironically pouts about Sean just being a “pretty boy” and isn’t a “real man”.
Sean’s reward is more time on the Oceanside beach with Charity. However, at the cocktail party that evening, Sean was smelling himself and grabbed Charity first. This riled the guys given that he had won extra time Charity after the Ken-off, and so that got some guys beefing with him. Dotan gets the precious Group Date Rose (GDR) and the guys who didn’t get time with Charity were left with hard feelings [cue Muse Time Is Running Out].
Then came Warwick’s disastrous 1-on-1. That none of us knew Warwick was no surprise, as none of the guys knew much about him, either. Shy, social awkwardness I understand. What I don’t understand is how someone so profoundly shy and socially awkward ended up in the cast, much less audition. Through a combination of Warwick’s personality, lack of social awareness, and clever (perhaps borderline cruel but this is what everybody signs up for) editing, the EGPs created a very funny segment and a very entertaining way to reduce the field. Yeah – he didn’t get a Rose.
Sometime after that, there was a commercial for Apothic wine. Ugh.
Back at their Oceanside digs, Brayden again expresses his doubts about engagement, and if we’re honest, he is being rational about how insane it is to think you know someone well enough through this process to get down one knee if you are the last man standing. But that’s the show and that’s what the Bachelorettes expect from the show, which is what Charity reminded the guys of at the start of the Rose Ceremony (with Black Aaron giving Brayden the evil eye).
Things unravel from here. Because he is so protective of Charity – as if she is incapable of handling her own business – Black Aaron feels responsible for telling on Brayden (again). Then, Aaron confronts Brayden. Then Charity confronts Brayden. Then the other guys confront Aaron and Brayden because all of their drama is costing them time [cue The Chairmen of the Board Give Me Just a Little More Time].
With Brayden already having a rose from his 1-on-1 and Warwick getting the boot, there are twelve guys left vying for one of the eight roses on the table. Hanging in the air is the possibility that Charity might take Brayden’s rose back, a dilemma that is causing her great consternation. Are her feelings for him worth taking a risk for?
The EGPs have her call Black Aaron to safety right off the bat. This clearly irks everybody. One by one, Charity doles out Roses with Brayden visibly nervous about retaining his. But wait!! After giving out The Final Rose Tonight accompanied by VERY DRAMATIC MUSIC, Charity walks away to find Jesse before he returns to tell the guys who didn’t get a rose to take a moment and say their goodbyes.
They chat about Brayden and it must be serious because there is VERY DRAMATIC MUSIC!! Then without the viewers getting a clue as to how she’s decided, she returns accompanied by VERY DRAMATIC MUSIC! She nervously glances at Brayden. Brayden fearfully glances briefly at her. And finally, with less dramatic music, Jesse returns to tell the guys who didn’t get a rose to take a moment and say their goodbyes, meaning Brayden keeps his Rose. Charity tells us that she decided to let Brayden stay because he is a strong connection and doesn’t want to give up on it prematurely. But she did say that it was a hard decision. One of those saying goodbye is White Aaron, so now I’ll be able to refer to Black Aaron as simply Aaron.
As I said at the beginning, this was an excellent episode – fast-moving and drama-filled. As to next week, we get previews of testosterone-fueled theater, presumably Aaron and Brayden making further spectacles of themselves.
See you next week.
P.S. I’m in California wine country and for the show I enjoyed a J Pinot Noir with 43% of its grapes sourced in Sonoma Valley where I am residing this week.
[1] I’m tempted to drop “one of” but don’t want to be guilty of recency bias.
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