[cue Johnny Horton The Battle of New Orleans]
If it feels like we got to Hometown Decisions quite quickly this year, it’s because we got to Hometown Decisions quite quickly this year. As explained in great detail by my girl over at @bachelordata IG, after 11 consecutive years of having seven weeks before Hometowns, the three seasons before this current one (Katie, Michelle, Gabby & Rachel), were six weeks. And this year poor gorgeous Charity has to get a guy down one knee in only five weeks! Tanner and Sean came into this week with the prospect of taking lovely Charity home to meet their parents WITHOUT HAVING BEEN ON A DATE!
Uh, who is Tanner?
Sweet Charity’s decisions to cut the field of suitors down from six to four were to be made in New Orleans (promotional considerations by Sonesta) and Joey is first up with a 1-on-1. Recall that Joey was one of my First Four to Watch For from Week 1. They have a great day date but the elephant in the room is their interracial relationship and how Joey thinks his parents are going to deal with that. No problems with the elephant – Joey gives a spectacular answer to that question and gets a rose. One down, three more Hometown reservations to go.
Then the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) throw us the first of many curveballs. The aforementioned Tanner (who he?) and Sean who had yet to go on a 1-on-1, get a 2-on-1! So presumably one of them will get a ticket to Hometown without having been on a 1-on-1 date. Or is this all a setup to send BOTH home rather than to a Hometown?
Sean for his part, sees this as a competition and he is in it to win it. The EGPs give us plenty of his ITMs[1] to explain his intent and strategy. His extraversion dominates the date while introverted Tanner (can somebody please tell me who this man is?) seems to focus more on Sean’s tactics than on Charity. Their date ends with the EGPs throwing us another curveball as Charity explains she can’t give either of them the rose which was the seed that was planted before the date . . . for now. She needs more time with both of them and delays her decision until The Rose Ceremony. So, it’s still one down, three more Hometown reservations to go. This throws Sean into a tizzy as he was sure he was winning on all the scorecards.
As an aside, Charity asked both the elephant question, and neither was particularly reassuring. I thought they both sounded naïve about how easily their families would deal with that.
Meanwhile, when Tanner the Still Unknown and Sean get back to the house, Sean throws a series of tizzies about how confused he is that Charity can’t see how much he is into her as if that’s enough to make her be into him.
Dotun gets the next 1-on-1 which throws Aaron into a tizzy. Their date is a race in the streets of Nawlins dressed in strange outfits – it is Nawlins, after all – with a whole bunch of people who appear to have absolutely no idea what The Bachelorette is and who this couple is. He comes to dinner in a great ‘fit, drops the L-word, she lights up, and I’m convinced he’s making the Final Two, cementing his dark horse status. Two down, two more Hometown reservations to go.
And then the EGPs throw us yet another curveball! It’s a Group Date with the two extraverted, whining self-destructors (Sean and Aaron) and the two introverts (Xavier the Knitter and some guy named Tanner).
And then ANOTHER curveball! Sean can’t deal with the fact that he has to go through yet another hoop despite all the times he’s shown Charity how much he’s into her. So, he goes to her hotel room so that he can explain his confusion that he has to go through another hoop despite all the times he’s shown Charity how much he’s into her. Maybe I’m projecting but I’m guessing that Charity couldn’t see a future with a guy who spends so much energy trying to tell her how she should feel because of the way that he feels. So, she sends him home on the spot. Still two down, two more Hometown reservations to go but with a three-man Group Date hanging those reservations in the balance. And I’m still cackling that Tanner hasn’t had a 1-on-1 date.
Charity spends time with each guy and does a good job at looking and sounding concerned during each convo. It’s probably legit but the EGPs are certainly using that to create indecision for the viewers. And Xavier for his part shares his own indecision as to whether he’s ready to make that commitment while looking awesome in his fine ‘fit.
Aaron gets the Group Date Rose (GDR) and now it’s three down, one more Hometown reservation to go, and two guys left: Xavier and some guy named Tanner who says, “I’m pretty confident I’m gonna get that rose because we have a lot of momentum right now.” Uh, wut? Bro, every time they put your name on the screen, we’re asking ourselves, “Who is this Tanner dude, again? And “momentum? Seriously?”
And one more time, we get curveballed as one more time, Charity the Undecided puts off her final Hometown decision to the Rose Ceremony.
But wait! Can’t the EGPs just mix in fastball every now and then? Before the Rose Ceremony begins, Charity the Now Decided heads to Tanner’s room to give him the bad news, as she tearfully breaks up with a guy she barely knows. No van, no limo. He’s left to walk the streets of New Orleans at night.
[cue The Stylistics Children of the Night.]
So I go into the darkness of the night
All alone I walk the streets until I find
Someone who is just like me
Looking for some company
Hometowns are now set. And two of the Final Four (Joey and Aaron) were two of My Four to Watch For. Mission accomplished. Let the family drama begin!
See you next week.
P.S. This week’s viewing wine was another Costco special: from Rioja, Spain, a Bodegas Olarra Clasico Riserva.
[1] In the moments = when the cast members share their private thoughts.
Ray's Musings 
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