Once upon a time[1], Lenny Kravitz sang, “It Aint’ Over Til It’s Over.” By “over,” I’m not referring to Season 9 of Bachelor in Paradise, although this enjoyable season (Thanks Evil Genius Producers (EGPs)) has come to an end. In my case, I’m referring to over as meaning the relationships of the three couples coming out of Paradise are already o-vuh[2].
Despite Jesse Palmer’s periodic motivational speeches about how this process can and has worked, and despite Jesse performing a wedding of past Paradisers Kenny and Mari on the beach with current Paradisers as guests, including Blake, who had broken up with Jess and left the beach (or did he?) – said wedding being proof that this process works – this season most definitely did not work[3].
Three couples left the Playa Escondida Resort in committed relationships. After getting to know each other deeply between June 6 and June 23[4], including one night alone in the Fantasy Suite, two couples, Aaron B. and Eliza, and John Henry and Kat, aka The Devil’s Bride, decided that was long enough to put a ring on it. Despite Kylee’s insistence that she had to leave being engaged to Aven, she decided to take his saner let’s-give-it-some-time approach (cue Kacey Musgraves Slow Burn).
BUT LESS THAN FOUR DAYS AFTER the Paradise Finale aired, all three couples had announced that their relationships were toast.
The first to go were Aven and Kylee. Two days after the Finale aired, Aven admitted to “multiple infidelities.” Two days later, Kat and John Henry mutually and amicably decided to part ways. And at the end of the Finale, it was announced that Eliza and Aaron B.’s relationship had hit a “speed bump.” Then on the same day as Kat and John Henry’s announcement, Aaron IG’ed that he and Eliza’s “love story has come to an end.”
I’m not gonna snark on the end of these relationships, especially Kylee and Aven’s. But perhaps John Henry should have waited for his head and heart to align when they said different things about getting engaged to somebody you’ve known for less than three weeks (cue The Supremes You Can’t Hurry Love[5]). And maybe Eliza’s should-I-or-shouldn’t-I reluctance about getting engaged so quickly should have been given more consideration.
It’s amazing how many Bachelor franchise contestants say, “I only plan to do this [get engaged] once,” when history suggests they better plan to do it again.
However, in more positive news, it was announced at the end of the Paradise Finale that Brayden and Christina Mandrell (from Zach’s season) are a couple (cue Fleetwood Mac You Make Loving Fun). I’m happy to root for them.
And that’s a wrap. See you next season. And remember the lesson of Paradise – love is a battlefield (cue Pat Benatar).
P.S. The final viewing wine was a First & Local Cabernet. It was just a’ight.
[1] 1991, #2 on Billboard Hot 100.
[2] Reference to Iron Chef.
[3] I thought that run-on sentence would break Grammarly LOL but it didn’t flinch.
[4] https://hiddenremote.com/2023/10/03/many-episodes-bachelor-paradise-2023/
[5] Superior to the Phil Collins cover version.
Ray's Musings 
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