Yeah, I was otherwise occupied and unable to watch or write on the Premiere in a timely fashion. Nothing much happens in the opener, anyway. Lots of beautiful women show up. Some make ridiculous entrances[1]. The Bachelor sends a few home. We remember a few: Maria and Jess, who are potential troublemakers, and the two sisters from Philadelphia, whose names I don’t recall. Also the cute girl who burned the Steal a Date Card, whose name I don’t recall [cue Don and Juan What’s Your Name].
So that brings us to Week 2. First Group Date is the standard wedding trope. In wedding dresses outdoors in a wedding reception scenario, the girls hope to be chosen by Joey to get the First Dance to When a Man Loves a Woman sung by Michael Bolton himself, who continues to keep himself relevant through self-parody.
Somebody named Rachel gets the The Dance, and that whole setup prompted a funny series of texts from My Daughter Diandra (MDD):
At the wedding after-party, Potential Trouble Maker Maria – who has a large personality – left her convo with Joey to change into a more comfortable black lacy thing. That elicited a reaction from Joey[2].
It elicited even bigger reactions from the other girls [cue Journey Chain Reaction].
Potential Troublemaker Jess got the Group Date Rose (GDR), and that also elicited a reaction from the other girls.
Daisy gets the 1-on-1 and starts stressing over how Joey will react to learning about her hearing issues and cochlear implant. They get the Helicopter Date trope. She passed the first crisis of hearing in the chopper because they both got headsets to deal with the noise. Then they arrived at The Beachlife Ranch Country and Americana Festival. While Country and Americana is a lane I rarely travel, my Crack Research Staff did their work and found that it attracts some artists I do like, e.g., Yola, The War and Treaty, Larkin Poe, and American Idol’s Lacy Kaye Booth.
Daisy was quite excited that she and Joey got called to the stage for a First Date Dance by an artist named Bahamas who was a third headliner on Friday Night of the festival. I am not familiar with his oeuvre.
Later, Daisy shared her health journey with Joey and it was heart-wrenching for me. Meanwhile, my friend and Loyal Follower of These Musings CSP was texting me about Joey’s eyes.
(I’ll bet she wasn’t too thrilled with his eyes when he was checking out Potential Troublemaker Maria’s tawdry lace. 🤣 🤣 🤣)
Daisy’s already getting a lot of buzz on the interwebs that she might be The One. I think it’s a little early for that, but is it? Per @Bachelordata IG, since 2013, 13 girls who got the Helicopter Ride made it to the last or next-to-last week of the season. That list includes some Bachelor royalty: Susie (got the ring from Clay-uhn), Gabby, Rachel, Madi (quit the last week), Tayshia, Raven (Nick Viall’s Runner Up), JoJo (Ben Higgin’s Runner Up), Clare (Juan Pablo’s Runner Up), and (Cruella de) Courtney (got the ring from winemaker Ben). It looks like Daisy’s been set up for a long run.
Probably because there are so many girls and the EGPs need to manage their production budgets (see reference to “Michael Bolton money” above), the second Group Date was the standard Boot Camp Trope. This date featured guest host appearances by ex-Bachelorettes/Paradisers Jubilee and MY QUEEN DEMI!!!! And, per MDD, “a messy icon of Bachelor Nation”[3]
The deal with Boot Camp was some sort of mashup of Capture the Flag and Paintball, and one team wins, and Joey picks only one girl from the winning team to spend 1-on-1 time with (not a date, though). Edwina, who did go especially hard, wins the time, leaving the rest of her winning team feeling a kind of way.
Let’s go quickly to The Big Finish:[4]
- Potential Trouble Maker Maria and Sydney have beef over if being 31 means you’re old.
- Big Sister from Philadelphia bails the show because The Wedding Date got her in her feelings from missing her father. And she was angry over a fake Red Velvet cake.
- At The Rose Ceremony, the EGPs make sure that Potential Trouble Maker Maria and Sydney get roses so they can continue their beef.
- And next week, some of Golden Bachelor Gary’s Golden Bachelorettes will make a Group Date appearance. We know that the Suits at ABC (sABCs) are gonna do a Golden Bachelorette, right?
See you next week.
P.S. This week’s viewing wine was a nice Carmen Gran Reserva Cabernet Sauvignon-Cabernet Franc blend.
[1] Is there a place in the application where you check ‘yes” to “Are you willing to do something stupid at the request of the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs)?”.
[2] Dude. That was awful.
[3] Come for me all you want. I know she’s messy. I love her LOL.
[4] Stealing a line from my favorite ESPN show Pardon the Interruption.
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