Five hours of content. That’s a lot to recap, so I will just muse (a little late) on where I think we are now as we hurtle to “the truly shocking and unprecedented way [Jenn’s] journey ends.”
(voice of Madonna1)
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before, I’ve heard it all before
Jonathon (whose name I have misspelled all season LOL)
According to The Geneva Convention, The Warsaw Pact, several NATO articles, and I’m sure some Constitutional amendment, the Bachelorette must have three guys for Fantasy Suite dates. Of course, they never have feelings for all three or else somebody would have written a song, “Torn Between Three Lovers.” [cue Mary McGregor Torn Between Two Lovers] Jonathon, who struggled “to get there” in the allotted time frame, had an “I’m there” epiphany too late – there are rules to these televised affairs of the heart – and he was the odd man out at The Rose Ceremony.
His cracked-but-not-broken heart will heal just fine away from the adrenaline-date alternative reality that is The Bachelor franchise bubble. In his saying goodbyes, Devin told Jonathon, “I’ll see you on the other side,” unconsciously acknowledging the unreal world they’d existed in for a couple of months. And he’ll recover even more when all the hotties check him out in Paradise, as Jesse announced Jonathon as the first cast member. [cue Dolly Parton Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That?]
Devin
Devin is a case of more than one thing can be true. He really, really L’s Jenn and has dropped a lot of L-balls on her. But she hasn’t thrown any L-balls back to him. Who among us wound not find that discouraging? It’s true that it’s normal to want what Teddy Pendergrass tells us:
It’s so good lovin’ somebody
When somebody loves you back
But it’s also true that that desire becomes toxic when Devin demands that Jenn L-ball him and gaslights her when she doesn’t. This would be problematic for anybody, but especially for Jenn with her history of toxic relationships. And it seems further problematic to see her finally throw out the L-balls under Devin’s relentless pressure.
I recently heard an interesting contrast between a lion and a hippo. Lions appear loud and fierce but are strong and loyal protectors. Hippos appear relaxed and peaceful but have an aggressive and unpredictable nature.
Beware, Jenn. Devin is a hippo. [cue Lady Gaga Bad Romance]
Marcus
Jenn, Jenn, Jenn. You have one boyfriend (Devin) that Ls you but you really don’t L him. And the one that you really L (Marcus) actually tells you that he doesn’t L you yet! And yet you persist! Cue Miley Cyrus Adore You:
“You and me were meant to be in holy matrimony”
But does Marcus agree that he’s The One on one knee?
I honestly don’t know what to make of this.
The Men Yell All
- Sam the Sham is full of ish and Jenn read him for filth.
- Hakeem for Paradise.
That’s it. That’s the Yell All synopsis.
Summary
I stand on my early season prediction that Devin’s will be the brutal breakup. And Jenn has made it abundantly clear that Marcus is The One, which fits my clear prediction that she will choose him. But with him, I can’t recall someone so clearly not being ready so late in the game. Of course, the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) have given us all kinds of previews of Devin and hometown (Jenn’s) visits gone awry designed to scare and misdirect us.
Color me intrigued.
See you next week.
P.S. This week’s viewing wine was a delicious Bound Cabernet Sauvignon on sale for $11.99 from Costco.
- Sorry ↩︎
Ray's Musings 
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