[Cue The Marvelettes Too Many Fish in the Sea]
Too many fish in the sea
I said, there’s short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones
Too many fish in the sea
[Cue The Chiffons He’s So Fine]
He’s so fine (Doo-lang-doo-lang-doo-lang)
Wish he were mine (Doo-lang-doo-lang-doo-lang)
That handsome, Ferrari-driving, baller boy over there
(Some of the above lyrics are not actually in the song.)
For all the NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN BACHELOR HISTORY OR EVEN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE COSMOS endings to a Bachelor season, Premieres are pretty standard: two dozen or so – this year, it’s 25 – women vying to be the person for the man of their dreams – in this case one hot Grant Ellis1. Night 1 is girls, gowns, and gimmicks. This year’s star gimmick was a llama. Season Premieres are always a confusing cacophony2 of awkward meet and greets, with the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) planting the seed of storylines whose trajectories are known to them but not yet revealed to us.
With so many fish in the sea, it’s a good thing we have data from @Bachelordata to help us know who to pay attention to. Based on historical evidence, ladies who meet any of these criteria tend to last long and be crucial to the arc of The Bachelor’s Journey (take a sip!).
First five out of the limo + last out of the limo
First five out (in order): Rose, Litia, J’Nae, Parisa, Carolina. Someone in the “first five” group usually makes it to Hometowns.
Last out: Zoe and her, uh, cleavage.
Girls who had intro packages: Litia, Carolina, Dina, Chloie, Bailey, Julianna.
Really keep your eyes on Carolina and Litia, who are in both categories.
First Impression Rose (FIP): Is this the rose of death? In Bachelor history, only one “winner”3 and one runner-up received an FIP, and they rarely even make it to Hometown Week. So don’t get too attached to Alexe, she of the “no-drama” llama.
As to the show, because Grant was shown the exit door early last (Jenn’s) season, The Evil Genius Producers needed to give him an intro package to introduce him and his family – primarily his Dad and hot sister Taylor. Like all the Bachelors before him, Grant’s stated goal is “to meet my future wife.” To which I reply, good luck with that. With the recent breakup of Matt and Rachael Kirkconnell, only five out of 28 couples from The Bachelor are still together.
Kissing. Or Not. Kissing is always a theme in the Premiere. Allyshia got snogged first – maybe – depending on how the EGPs edited her and Grant’s convo. Regardless of when it happened, it was obvious to me from the start that Grant was gonna bust a move on her. He was subconsciously licking his lips and watching her mouth for the right opportunity. Guys notice these things, LOL.
However, it was different with Carolina, who he did not osculate. He said to himself that he wanted to but decided to hold back. Waiting for a more meaningful time because he’s already feeling it for her? [Cue The Drifters This Magic Moment.] Ah, that age-old dilemma of physical attraction vs. soul connection. Either way, the I-want-to-but-I-want-it-be-a-moment sentiment says he likes her. I’m interested in seeing how it plays out with these two. Nicely done EGPs.
Going home roseless (cue The Carpenters Goodbye to Love) and overreacting to someone they’ve known for five minutes:
- J’Nae – “He has all the traits, all the qualities. He was someone I could see myself with.”
- Christina: “He inspired me. There are good men out there with the qualities I’m looking for.”
- Kyleigh (crocodile tears)
See you next week.
P.S. Uh, Grant dropped a song last week? It may be among the worst songs I’ve ever heard.
Ray's Musings 