I truly believe that My Person is out there. Because I’m here for the right reasons, I can see that this process is working. In fact, I am developing real feelings. I think I may have found the One I have been searching for so desperately.
Of course, I’m referring to this season’s Villain, My Girl Carolina, aka Carolina the Clueless (CtC).
Hats off to the Evil Genuis Producers (EGPs) who did their dastardly best in playing us. Cute and sassy Carolina was one of the first girls out of the limo, and she got an intro package for Night One. Those are good signs. On Night Two, she’s lap dancing with Grant. Playful even if not pristine. On Night 3, she gets a private jet getaway to Vegas for a 1-on-1. Despite some grumbling in the mansion about her rubbing some of the girls the wrong way about her rubbing Grant the right way (cue Johhny Gill Rub You the Right Way), CtC becomes a sympathetic figure when she opens up to Grant about her epilepsy disorder.
The EGPs even set up Zoe as the early villain as she was taking time with Grant whenever she d%^n-well pleased (cue Kelly Clarkson Miss Independent), much to the chagrin of the rest of the mansion.
Ah, but CtC’s slowly descending arc into villainy is giving me great joy. On the one hand, she is being misunderstood by the girls as not being there for the right reasons, which is ironic since it’s actually quite sane to question whether marrying a guy after one date is actually quite insane. CtC is the voice of reason here.
On the other hand, Carolina the Clueless does NOT know how to read the room and does not know how NOT to share every last one of her feelings. She has a glaring lack of social awareness and self-awareness (cue her theme song, Shinedown’s Cluless and Dramatic). And while CtC haughtily brushed off the early attacks against her – I rather like her snarkiness and disgust LOL – and even got Dina to defend her, she’s being worn down, and the previews seem to indicate her finally and fully giving into The Dark Side.
I can’t wait.
And now, back to the show, which began with a lot of CtC drama that ended when Jesse comes into the mansion to announce that they are joining Grant in Madrid. After all that airing of bad feelings, I wondered what that long plane ride was like.
Cut to the girls sharing their hopes and dreams with each other at a Sangria bar in Madrid. Grant pulls Driven Chicago-girl Dina for a 1-on-1. They had a nice time, and to me, it was just that. Nice. While Grant says he’s feeling a connection, I don’t buy it. First, he feels a connection to everybody. And second, I don’t buy it. But maybe she’s this season’s dark horse. The EGPs revealed the villain, so perhaps this is a good time to give Dina her run. But I think she’s talked herself into believing there is a stronger connection than is real, so a bad break-up could be coming for her [cue Yes Owner of a Lonely Heart].
Meanwhile, a Group Date card that says “Love is a wild ride” arrives for the girls not named Dina. Not named on the GD card was Sarafiena who gets the next coveted 1-on-1. The rest of the girls got to cosplay matadoras for Grant pushing a made-up bull’s head on a sled. Miraculously, no one was harmed by Grant’s imaginary bull or CtC’s off-camera snarkiness about the whole group date thing. Then to continue the fake bull theme, there was a mechanical bull-riding contest won by Alexe, who’s winning strategy was to literally grab the bull by the horns.
At the post-group date Cocktail Party, there is more unwarranted spilling of feelings by CtC, and Juliana makes it her business to confront her. It did not go well, or the EGPs wouldn’t have shown us this storyline. But the reason it doesn’t go well is the aforementioned combination of the misattribution of CtC’s motives and her aforementioned haughtiness, snarkiness, and disgust. As My Daughter Cassandra (MDC) observed, Carolina the Clueless doesn’t handle feedback well.
Cut to Sarafiena’s date with Grant. More jumping off of high things. I don’t like high things. And how low is the budget this year that the EGPs are repeating date themes? That, along with snippets of recorded music (or Grant’s “music”) rather than random live recording artists for hire1. But I digress. Grant and Sarafiena have a nice date and she finally moved out of the never-been-kissed category. It was funny that she said she had been reticent to show her feelings because her mother was watching. I wonder what kinds of questions mom’s gonna ask if Sarafiena makes it to Fantasy Suites.
Back at the Madrid ranch, Juliana takes another run at CtC, whose continued lack of social and self-awareness is justifiably not vibing with the girls. Memo to Juliana: I know you’re frustrated, but it rarely works out for the accuser. Dina gives her support to CtC, who manages to again over-share – with tears! – how good that support makes her feel. And her vibe meter with the other girls continues to plummet.
We finally found out who Rose thought d . . .i . . .d. . . h . . .e . . .r . . .d…. ir . . . . .t . . . . ee. Of course it was CtC. Because of CtC’s alleged antics, Rose didn’t feel she spent enough time with Grant to make it worthwhile to stay, so she decided to go. Memo to Rose: Given Grant’s underwhelming reaction to your exit announcement, I don’t think CtC was your problem. That said, I think Rose is cute but too quirky for The Bachelor. She strikes me as someone you could really like once you spent a lot of time with her, which is something The Bachelor isn’t set up for.
Despite trying to set up the Rose Ceremony for will-he-or-won’t-he with CtC, there was no way he wasn’t giving her a rose. Despite the drama, he is really attracted to her, which is what makes a great villain. And so we said goodbye to Natalie and Parisa. I was right about Rose and Parisa being non-players but was surprised by Natalie’s early exit.
See you next week.
P.S. This week’s featured wine is a Costco fave: the Kirkland Signature Gigondas, “a stellar wine at a fantastic price.”
- They did get Michael Bolton last year. Twice! Never forget. ↩︎
Ray's Musings 
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