TL;DR
Tuesday’s Episode 3 was perfunctory and fast-moving, with minimal drama and horny old people who use modern slang like “no cap.”
Here are the highlights.
Closure: The Susie/Justin cliffhanger was resolved by BOTH leaving Paradise despite pleas from Jesse, various cast members, and me, because who doesn’t want more of Susie? (cue Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs Stay) However, because rules are rules, Justin had to give his rose to someone through his representative, Jesse, and he gave the delightfully awkward and hilarious Jill her Second Hand Rose (cue Barbra Streisand).
New Arrivals: Andrew (Katie’s Bachelorette season and Paradise alum) and Sean (aka Prince Charming, Charity’s Bachelorette season and Paradise alum).
Dramas, aka “Mess,” aka Failure at Love is Imminent:
- Bailey accepts a date with Andrew, a reasonable decision given that it’s Paradise and her mans, Jeremy, went on a date with Susie. Except Jeremy quite unreasonably feels blindsided by the fact that his girl did the same thing as he did, as in go on a date, because Paradise. In a snit, Jeremy tries to get the New Evil Genius Producers (NEGPs) to bring Susie back. Failing that, he calls Susie and asks her to come back from the airport, but he is summarily rebuffed. All of Bachelor Nation reads him for filth . . .
- . . . except for Bailey. Bailey, Bailey, Bailey. WHY are you trying to make up with Jeremy after his gaslighting you? WHY?
- Alexe decides she’s not feelin’ it with Jonathan and breaks off their “relationship.” The morning after his date with Bailey, Andrew busts a move on Alexe, and she’s kinda feelin’ him.
- After being friend-zoned by Alexe, a desperate Jonathan makes not one but TWO moves on Jill that were both full of word salad and went nowhere.
I think this means we avoided potential triangles, for now.
Jesse Palmer in the shower. I definitely didn’t have a scene of Jesse showering on my Bachelor Bingo card. It was part of a cute tie-in to some upcoming movie, I Know What You Did Last Summer.
The Goldens. I’m trying to keep an open mind, but to quote the great Randy Jackson from American Idol, “Ehhh, I don’t know, dawg.” Their appearance did nothing for me. But apparently per Bartender Wells, the Paradise Boom-Boom Room is open for, uh, business again, which is a good thing, since in the sharing secrets game, one of The Goldens copped to this – no cap (cue Nelly Furtado Promiscuous).
That’s a wrap. See you next week.
P.S. I am really digging the music the NEGPs are playing throughout the shows.
Ray's Musings 
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