Monday night, Days 9 and 10 of Paradise, had the feel of an OG BIP - a fast-moving combo of dates, games, and drama. Let's break down my highlights. Kat stirs Dale’s pot by asking him if he’s open to dating someone. It was a yes or no question, and as usual, Dale failed to give... Continue Reading →

With two hours of content this week instead of five like the prior two weeks, I have time to answer your burning Paradise questions! Q: How awkward was April’s physically flirting with Jonathan by laying her head on his bare chest and purring? A: Yes. Q: How does April being an airhead a free spirit... Continue Reading →

TL;DR Tuesday’s Episode 3 was perfunctory and fast-moving, with minimal drama and horny old people who use modern slang like “no cap.” Here are the highlights. Closure: The Susie/Justin cliffhanger was resolved by BOTH leaving Paradise despite pleas from Jesse, various cast members, and me, because who doesn’t want more of Susie? (cue Maurice Williams... Continue Reading →

Three hours on Monday night. Two more on Tuesday night. A lot to cover, so I’m just gonna dive in with my highlights. The Paradise theme song Almost Paradise got a remix! Shout-out to songwriters Ann Wilson of Heart and Mike Reno of Loverboy for still getting that bag.🎶💰 Jesse introduced a new game -... Continue Reading →

[cue David Bowie] Ch-ch-changes . . . THE MOST CONSEQUENTIAL CHANGES EVER CAME TO PARADISE!! OK, that’s just me mocking The Bachelor franchise’s tendency to mock themselves with their self-referential (self-reverential?) proclamations. But with a new showrunner (Scott Tedi) taking over the franchise1, some badly needed fresh air blew over the season Premiere of Bachelor... Continue Reading →

Once upon a time[1], Lenny Kravitz sang, “It Aint’ Over Til It’s Over.” By “over,” I’m not referring to Season 9 of Bachelor in Paradise, although this enjoyable season (Thanks Evil Genius Producers (EGPs)) has come to an end. In my case, I’m referring to over as meaning the relationships of the three couples coming... Continue Reading →

WHO WILL SURVIVE THE MOST SHOCKING ROSE CEREMONY OF THE SEASON? By shocking, Jesse Palmer must have meant the number of commercial breaks we had to endure to get there. After the two-plus hour Finale of The Bachelor for Old People, The Suits at ABC (sABCs) apparently decided to pad their bottom line with ad... Continue Reading →