Scorched Earth in Paradise

Yes, I know it’s a rather odd to add an addendum to something that hasn’t been written yet. But shortly after last night’s episode – the second of the two-part premiere – Blake set the internetosphere on fire with his side of the Caelynn story. He's got text message receipts and they indicate that Caelynn... Continue Reading →

Gettin’ Witchy Wit It

Tuesday night’s episode began with Astrid proclaiming that all the couples are “perfect”. And to show these couples where perfection can lead, Janner and Carvan[1] showed up to Paradise with babies in tow. This is also known as branding – love can be found in Paradise! Good move, Chris Harrison. Tanner was rockin’ the dad... Continue Reading →

Paradise’s Greatest Hits

My Daughter Cassandra: Remember we have wine. Me: The sparkling Rose´? My Daughter Cassandra: Yes. Me: Remember it’s three hours tonight. My Daughter Cassandra: That’s why we need the wine. Instead of my usual (more or less) chronological summary for this lengthy episode, I’m going to offer a recap by way of its Greatest Hits... Continue Reading →

You’re The One. And So Is She.

Love, sweet love, is in the air and there are couples everywhere! [cue The Troggs Love Is All Around] Love so pure, so deep, so rapturous that it can only be summarized by Grocery Store Joe’s words, “I hope guys stop kissing my girl.” Welcome to Paradise! But before love, there were cocktail party confrontations. Grocery... Continue Reading →

The Knives Are Out

(They smile in your face) All the time they want to take your place The back stabbers (back stabbers) All you fellows who have someone and you really care, yeah, yeah Then it's all of you fellows who better beware, yeah yeah Somebody's out to get your lady A few of your buddies they sure... Continue Reading →

I Have Questions

Sorry I’m late recapping last week’s episodes and, alas, I’ll be late recapping this week's episodes, too. After powering through last week’s ridiculiciousness in one sitting with My Daughter Cassandra, in lieu of a recap, here are The Questions I’m looking for answers to this week. Now that Golden Child Colton has gotten closure (that was... Continue Reading →

I’m In Paradise

Thank you and bless you Bachelor in Paradise. Tonight was everything. No. It was more than everything [cue those sometimes funny, sometimes annoying Geico commercials about getting more]. Chris Harrison and His Evil Genius Production Minions have left me feeling that it’s impossible to out-snark a show that snarks on itself with such wicked brilliance.... Continue Reading →

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