You’re The One. And So Is She.

Love, sweet love, is in the air and there are couples everywhere! [cue The Troggs Love Is All Around] Love so pure, so deep, so rapturous that it can only be summarized by Grocery Store Joe’s words, “I hope guys stop kissing my girl.”

Welcome to Paradise!

But before love, there were cocktail party confrontations. Grocery Store Joe (GSJ) saves Kendall before her confrontation with Psycho Leo got nuclear and she comes out of that deciding GSJ is the one. Benoit confronts Jenna about her decision to make Male Model Jordan (MMJ) the one. MMJ then confronted Benoit because Benoit made Jenna cry. Benoit comes out of those two confrontations by deciding he wanted to see if he could get Chelsea to be his one.

Meanwhile – [cue The Temptations Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)] – Annaliese, after one date with Kamil, proclaims, “Things are starting to get real!” They certainly appear to be getting real for Krystal and Chris after a yoga session with him convinces her that her head was right after all in her Chris vs. Connor’s carefully coiffed hair and 24-pack abs dilemma. And they looked really, real for Eric and Angela as they decided they were all-in for each other during an amazingly opulent date in some resort hotel’s Omnipotent Lord of the Cosmos Suite. Ah, but was that Just an Illusion? [cue Imagination’s song of the same name].

By sending Jubilee literally packing and not picking Caroline, Venmo John’s smartphone app correctly notifies him that he’s not in a relationship. Apparently, the software still has some bugs because he decides to go after Kendall. Psycho Leo loves the irony of this and can’t resist needling GSJ. But while a kiss is just a kiss to Psycho Leo, Kendall’s kiss from Venmo John further validates that GSJ is her guy. You followed all of that, right?

By now, Psycho Leo has had enough and he decides to take on everybody because he was upset that the straw poll on if he was a Capital D-Bag was everybody to one. He leaves loud and angry but not before showering GSJ with his drink which was lovingly handcrafted by Wells and Yuki. Good riddance and perhaps the producers can do a better job of screening out abusive people in the future.

With the confrontations providing the kind of clarity that Chris Harrison urges budding couples to pursue, Chelsea clearly sees she’s the only person not in a relationship. And with that, she’s suddenly The Bachelorette with Benoit, Connor, Venmo John, and David to choose from! Her rose goes to Venmo John which devastates Benoit [cue Evanescence My Heart Is Broken].

oh noBUT WAIT!!! This, after all, is Paradise and fresh relationship material arrives in the form of Olivia whose hotness has the girls visibly shaken [cue Dolly Parton Jolene]. After being rebuffed by Colton and Kamil, Olivia uses her date card on Venmo John who’s now starting to look like a slimeball. And even more fresh relationship material arrives in the form of Cassandra – [cue Sir Mix A Lot Baby Got Back because those were Eric’s very lust-at-first-sight words].

I’ve been known to play a fair amount of poker and when you say you’re “all in”, it means you have no other chips to play anywhere else. If you don’t go all in, it means you’re holding chips back to see what develops. I raise this because when Cassandra asked Eric about his relationship status with Angela, he said, “We’re taking things slow.” This is clearly not the same as, “I told Angela I’m all in with her.”

A date between Cassandra and Eric ensues. A bad night for Angela ensues. A bad explanation in the morning by Eric to Angela ensues – “I just woke up feeling different. You understand, right? We good?” And every couple questioning the clarity of their relationships ensues.

And our previews for next week has everybody crying. Talk about trouble in Paradise. Stay tuned.

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