The Final of the Finale, Finally

So a friend who inexplicably doesn’t watch The Bachelor texted me wanting to know what was so dramatic and shocking about tonight although the correct terminology right from the mouth of Chris Harrison was “what was the most intense and emotional ending ever?”

As always, Chris’ breathless announcements (which he makes self-mockingly) were oversold. That said, with all of its twists and turns, the end was more rollercoaster than drama. And my text message reply was:

He proposed to one girl but was still in love with the other n they broke up the engagement n now he n other girl are dating. But the family LOVED first girl and detests second girl but the family is as weird as F

Nobody says this show is rational.

My TV day almost always begins in the morning with ESPN SportsCenter. And the way SportsCenter ends is with their Top Ten Plays of the Day. With this Bachelor season at an end, I feel I should wrap up the same way with the Top Ten moments from tonight’s final Finale.

#10. Peter’s family waiting for him to tell them who he proposed to. Although this looked like my family waiting for American Idol results back in its heyday, these people cannot be healthy. #MadiBeware

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And this type of intense group hug when they got the answer they wanted cannot be healthy. #MadiBeware

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FC33D3F5-328B-4B77-96FB-E338EE8D3570_1_201_a#9. Sorries. So many sorries. All season we heard Peter say he’s so sorry. A lot. And tonight when he had a lot to be sorry for, he did say he was sorry. A lot. Peter is sorry for everything but keeps doing and saying things to be sorry for. [cue Apologize Timbaland feat. OneRepublic] #MadiBeware

#8. Mama ain’t happy watching Peter screw up his relationship with God’s angel chosen specifically for her son. [cue Earth Angel The Penguins]

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boy bye#7. [cue No Scrubs TLC] Hannah Ann puts Peter on blast. Where was this girl all season? A few weeks ago, she was writing cheesy, sophomoric love notes. Tonight, she threw DOWN and totally eviscerated Peter. “You didn’t respect me enough. You wanna be with a woman? You need to be a real man.”

In that break-up moment, Hannah Ann not only became the star of the season, she somehow salvaged something from the wreckage that Pushover Peter’s indecisiveness left behind each week. I really hope she comes to Paradise.

#6. [cue You’re No Good Linda Ronstadt] Hannah Ann is so over Peter. As she should be. He strung his fiancé along for a month while pining away for The Other Woman AND talking to Hannah B. (see below)??? Boy, bye. #MadiBeware

youre no good
Talk to the hand + cold, heartless stare + side hug = over it.

Hannah B#5. Hannah Ann tells us that Peter needed closure with Hannah B. Uh, what? Dude not only falls in love with everybody; he stays in love with everybody. #MadiBeware

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#4. Listen to Your Heart. This show has got to be terrible. And I’m willing to watch the first episode (or two; maybe three; how many episodes is it?) to prove it.

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#3. Chris Harrison telling Madi that Peter is quite available after breaking it off with Hannah Ann. “In his dreams, he’d be with you.” Mom is so thrilled. #MadiBeware

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She clearly had somebody else in mind. #MadiBeware

Happy Mom

#2. [cue Edwin Starr War] Mom and Madi go to war. Dang. Mom went all the way IN on Madi. On live TV. To a national audience. She tells Bachelor Nation that Madison disrespected the family – “We went all the way to Australia to meet her. She kept us waiting for THREE hours. And didn’t even apologize.” And went on about how much Hannah Ann LOVED them right away. She, of course is delusional (“I got lots of love in my DMs.”). 3s480mMeanwhile, Madi was praying for God to smite her enemies.21E71820-F35A-421B-8A73-5B6E4155CC36_1_201_aThanksgiving should be fun. #MadiBeware

#1. Lady Gaga watches? 0670C23F-84AF-4577-A3E2-2A24A50D85BA_4_5005_c

This season had to end the way it did. A very dissatisfying season had to come to a dissatisfying end. Despite the resolute opposition of his family, Peter and Madi decide they want to give it a go[1]. Ironically, this is reminiscent of last year when Hannah B. said yes to Jed; they broke up; and then her and Tyler gave it a go to no avail. We know that a relationship between Madi and Peter is as futile. I’m rolling with My Girl Bekah:

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Maybe they’ll break up and she’ll come to Paradise. A reunion of her and Hannah Ann? A guy can dream, can’t he?

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[1] It’s curious that we never heard from Madi’s family.

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