[cue Johnny Nash I Can See Clearly Now] What I said in last week’s recap is even more glaringly and painfully obvious this week. Because of COVID and Matt’s lack of personality, the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) have decided to turn the DRAMA up to 12 on a scale of 1 to 10 by leaning hard and fast into the toxicity among The Women of Nemacolin. It’s The OGs versus The Newbies!
We begin with Matt taking Brittany – she of the escort allegations – aside for some private talk. Then he takes Anna – the super-spreader of the escort allegations – aside for some private talk. Only one can survive and it’s Brittany [cue Bee Gees Stayin’ Alive] as Matt escorts (see how I did that?) Anna and her facial expressions to the Limo of Shame.
Ryan (the dancer who also was accused of being a bad thing) then rats out Queen Victoria the Vacuous and Matt pulls her aside for some private talk. Naturally she demonstrates her vacuity as to who was responsible for the toxic behavior in the house [cue Shaggy It Wasn’t Me]. She also defended calling someone a really bad name as being taken out of context.
At this point we know it’s the gots-to-go situation we’ve impatiently been waiting for but of course the EGPs had to drag it out until the Rose Ceremony. At the Ceremony, the first two girls to get roses were Newbies which certainly got the attention of the OGs. Also, Matt ratted out Katie to Victoria as the informant, a key moment that wasn’t followed up on during the show. Perhaps next week somebody will come for Katie, if the previews are any indication.
Introverted and Beautiful Rachael gets the first one-on-one. She got to play dress up and, dude, that black dress was killer. She comes back to the house full of smiles and a bazillion shopping bags with instructions I’m sure from the EGPs to place them on the Xs near where the rest of the girls were sitting wondering how her date went. They took it well.
The key moment from that date was the mutual dropping of the L-word at dinner [cue The Partridge Family I Think I Love You]. Seriously??? Five episodes in and we’re already L-wording? I mean, girl was quite the smoke show in that black dress and I might have gotten carried away, too. But then he’d ruin that shocking moment later by telling 37 other girls sweet bon-bons but I’m getting ahead of myself.
For the group date, the other girls – except for Kit – got to do “fun” farming things which meant after seeing Rachael strut in the room the night before [cue J-Lo Louboutins], they got to literally shovel sh*t. Well played EGPs!
MJ catches an eyeful of Matt and Pieper in a hot makeout session which meant more in the context of him seeing his future with Rachael just the night before. And at the cocktail party, Matt reaffirms his strong connections to Chelsea, Abigail and Michelle. Basically, Matt loves everybody which assures us lots of unnecessary broken-hearted DRAMA eventually.
But not before the DRAMA with MJ, the hair dresser whose hair rarely seems to look good. Matt pulls her aside for some private talk and she, like Victoria, is shocked – shocked! – that anybody could have a bad word about her, as if she weren’t one of the main mean girls. She then goes back confront the girls as follows:
- MJ: I lead by example. If anybody has a problem with me, just come and talk to me directly.
- Girls: (talk to her directly)
- MJ: Why are you ganging up on me?
So much for leading by example.
Before we come back to MJ and her DRAMA, there is the one-on-one date with Kit who explains to Matt how hard it is to be filthy rich with her mom’s money. You can see Matt’s wheels turning as he contemplates what it will be like to never have to work another day in his life.
Perhaps intoxicated by her amazing chocolate chip cookies he tells her some sweet bon bons, bringing his total to 46 girls he’s possibly falling in love with. Actually 47, if you count Sarah who excused herself a couple weeks ago.
This sets us up for the mano a mano between MJ and Jessenia and the cliff upon which we are left hanging this week. I guess this replaces the typical two-on-one date between combatants. It’s certainly much more interesting this way and the EGPs are sparing no amount of over-the-topness for this ridiculiciousness.
I’m rooting for Jessenia but I feel like there’s an unexpected twist coming.
See you next week.
P.S. Tonight’s viewing wine: 2018 Substance ‘Cs’ Cabernet Sauvignon
 That’s right – The Partridge Family. It’s a cute song. A perfect Bachelor franchise song. Sing along . . . I think I love you so what am I so afraid of/I’m afraid that I’m not sure of/a love there is no cure for/I think I love you isn’t that what life is made of/Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way
 I just learned that this literally means “hand to hand” and refers to a conflict between any two people and not “man to man” as is commonly believed.