The Men Yell All

Two songs could have accompanied the latest version of Grown Ass Men Acting Like Petulant Two-Year-Olds: Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word (Elton John) and (It’s Too Late to) Apologize (Timbaland, OneRepublic). The guys were either stuck in their antagonism towards each other – Pizza Guy, double-speaking Jamie, and Chris S. (“some guys think they have it in the bag” Guy) were the primary recipients; or they were resolute in their certainty that Michelle misunderstood them (Martin aka Frosty and double-speaking Jamie, again).

[cue The Eagles] You can’t hide those lyin’ eyes.

But Pizza Guy saved the day by flying in slices. He is now working in Ukraine, brokering a peace deal with the Russians.

#pizzadiplomacy

I agreed with My Daughter Diandra (MDD) that the first 45 minutes had a Jerry Springer/Maury Povich vibe, with Tayshia and Kaitlin having difficulty maintaining order. My other challenge with The Men Tell All was that we were forced to pay attention to a group of guys that we hadn’t paid attention to for the right reasons all season. Michelle locked onto Baller Joe, Nayte, and Rick (Table Dude) early, although Rick was eventually surpassed by late bloomers Brandon and Rodney.

The season didn’t get dramatic until the past two weeks of hometown dates and parental unit meetings. To create and sustain interest during the season, the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) had to make drama by creating multiple villains who got most of the attention in the Tell All. With a few notable exceptions – broken-hearted Rick and Rodney, and crowd favorite Olu flexing on Chris S. about his “black excellence”- for the most part, the room was filled with guys I didn’t know anything about. Many I didn’t even know were in the show. They may as well have been extras playing roles like the streaker and the subpoena server. Seriously, what was the streaker (who wasn’t naked) and subpoena (which wasn’t real) about, anyway?

This brings me to Bachelor Clayton, who we also saw precious little of this season. His selection finally formalized on Tell All is quite the departure from previous Bachelors having been prominent cast members. In addition to the typical promo package, we heard all the glowing testimonials of Clayton’s character and being there for the right reasons of finding his person on the journey to marriage and raising a family. I don’t doubt that any of that is true, but it felt like a necessary hard sell since we didn’t get evidence of the appropriateness of his selection during this season of The Bachelorette.

For me, Tell All was at its best once Michelle arrived. She looked amazing. She dealt with broken-hearted Rick and Rodney with grace, although it was clear from everything about her facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language (especially with Rick) that she no longer feels any romantic attachment to either of them. And she showed what a strong woman[1] she was in her 1-on-1 time[2] with Frosty’s misogyny and Jamie’s narcissistic double-speak[3], and their steadfast refusal to find anything to apologize for, although Frosty gave a weak apology at the end. Way too little and way too late.

I agree with the closed caption.

I have two other brief observations. Kaitlin bringing up Tayshia’s recent breakup was very awkward. Why was it necessary to do that in such a public venue? Surely, they and the EGPs discussed this. Did she think she was ready to talk but wasn’t? How much editing was involved? I have SO many questions.

My other observation was how great Rodney is. Exudes personality. Great on camera. Very articulate. And has on-camera experience from an internship with ABC. My Crack Research Staff (MDD) found this:

He’s also become a Bachelor Nation favorite. MDD and I can see him hosting 1st Look[4]. Or how about a co-hosting role on Paradise or even The Bachelorette? (Speaking of which, I have enjoyed the team of Kaitlyn and Tayshia very much. And I think it would be cool to have an occasional male perspective since there are 30 guys on the show. Chris who?)

So that’s my tell-all on the Tell All. We have two more weeks of drama, and I think it’s going to be excellent and brutal. Come for the spectacle and stay for the devastation. And a happy ending? It was hard to get a read from Michelle or the EGPs’ previews.

See you next week.

P.S. The Tell All wine: Confidencial – Reserva Red 2017. “Boasting a balanced combination of oak and ripe fruit, this wine is rich and full of juicy spiced-fruit flavors. Flavors of black currant and a hint of toastiness are fully integrated into this ready-to-drink wine. Drink now.” The Wine Enthusiast, 90 Points


[1] How many Bachelor cliches am I up to now?

[2] Oh, there’s another one. 🙂

[3] The first question he was asked was if he had anything to say to Michelle and dude talked about himself.

[4] NBC travel and lifestyle program. My Girl Ali Fedotowsky and Ben Higgins are former Bachelor Franchise leads who have been 1st Look hosts.

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