Welcome to the 2022 Edition of THE MOST SHOCKING SEASON IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY!!! Said season comes at an auspicious time for me. While I continue to bask in the glow of my beloved Steph Curry and the Golden State Warriors winning the chip, that glow also comes with no meaningful basketball to watch since June 16 and none until October 19. There are only so many G League games one can watch to try to fill such a massive void.
As expected, a lot happened in the premiere as one would expect with the aforementioned epic historicity of 32 men vying for the hearts of two women. There is no real narrative at this early point and there probably won’t be one for a few weeks. As we were reminded many times, there is no precedent for this version of Bachelor franchise ridiculiciousness. So, I’ll just share a list of my most memorable musings on this most momentous occasion. [cue Rob Base It Takes Two].
Both women looked spectacular.
It was funny how often Rachel turned around for a second look as the guys walked away from their introductions. Gabby be like, “Next!” But Rachel was about that view from the rear.
Aven scored early points with both girls by mentioning the two key male figures in their lives, Gabby’s Grandpa John and Rachel’s menacing Dad, Big Tony. Rachel liked him but apparently not enough to give him the First Impression Rose.
Some dude brought chickens. Rather he brought two little chicks. Question: what does one do at a cocktail party with two (actual) chicks? Is the most junior intern responsible for taking them? (Fun fact: gimmick limo entrances are not a predictor of future success. Per IG @bachelordata, it’s quite rare for someone making a gimmick entrance to make the hometown visits.
Uh, Life Coach Quincey Who Goes by Prince (seriously?), is sharing your recent sexual history the best way to introduce yourself to someone you hope to date? Is that advice you give your clients?
With two Bachelorettes, twins make the cast because, of course, they do. Thankfully they were dead on arrival and were among the first sent from the mansion.
Tremayne. Crypto Guy. Uh, OK.
WAYYYYYYY too many mentions of Clay-uhn. Guys – proclaiming yourself better than the ex is not necessary. You’re here to be next. It’s better if she decides that. Wedding Photographer Alec’s choir singing “Clayton Sucks” was cute, though.
I know reviews of the new Thor movie have been pretty bad but was Bachelorette cast member his next best career option?
The women are wary about having to compete against each other at some point.
If you had “vulnerable” as your drinking word, you were opening a second bottle around the halfway point.
Rachel is signaling in every way possible that she wants a kiss but at the key moment, Drag Race Dude pointed out that his engine is 1100 horsepower, instead. [cue Sixpence None the Richer Kiss Me]
Long-time friend and loyal reader of these Musings KMD was, as always, bemused by a canceled Rose Ceremony in Week 1 no less, and I was happy for her. I liked this decision. The continual first-night frustration is all the Bachelors/Bachelorettes that rightfully complain about not getting “time” (too early to be a drinking word?) with the lead. Two women and 32 guys in a meet-and-greet are a chaotic situation. I preferred Gabby and Rachel’s “we already know who we don’t like, so we want to send them home, now, and keep the rest” approach. Goodbye, twins, and Roby, who was not somebody’s Magic Man [cue Heart].
Better news went to the First Impression Rose (FIR) recipients Mario (Gabby) and Tino (Rachel’s first kiss; it coulda been you Drag Race Dude). FIRs are important! Again, per IG @bachelordata, in the past 14 Bachelorette seasons, 50% of FIRs win, and 64% make the final few weeks.
Overall, I enjoyed this first week. Gabby and Rachel have different personalities so I’m looking to see how that will play a role. The episode moved fast for me which is unusual for a premiere.
I’ll be traveling to the West Coast next Monday so I have no idea when I will be watching and posting next week. My plan is to post something at some point – what a plan, right? – so stay tuned.
P.S. Tonight’s viewing wine was this $4.99 gem. Yes, $4.99. https://costcowineblog.com/2018-bodegas-esteban-martin-garnacha-syrah/
 My Crack Research Staff has found that they are The West Los Angeles Children’s Choir www.MrsMusic.com
…and here we go! EEGP – first E is exceptionally. Who needs cocktails anyways?
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