73% More Mayhem to Go

Three episodes down. Eight more to go. When “anything can happen in Paradise”, it’s folly to place any significance on what has transpired to this point with 73% of the mayhem still in front of us. And it’s the self-mocking relationship anarchy that is the charm of this gem in The Bachelor franchise. How seriously can we take anything when this man is crowned THE Bachelor in Paradise?

In terms of a few not-quite highlights, we said goodbye (cue Kevin Max To the Dearly Departed) to three women remembered by nobody: Hailey, Kira, and Hunter.

They were cast as sacrificial lambs, taking up a brief amount of screen time until far more interesting arrivals arrived. Get ready for the arrival of the owner of Salley’s suitcase?

G-vieve and Shanae-nae, erstwhile mortal enemies on Clayt-in’s season, went on a double date with bromancers James and Aaron and had fun with each other. From this, we learn how cleverly the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) take creative license to manipulate us and the cast with imaginative story arcs.

And finally, Romeo, Romeo, how much of a failure canst thou be, Romeo? [cue Bon Jovi You Give Love a Bad Name]

Keep an eye on the journey of Serene and Michael. My Crack Research Staff (CRS) at @Bachelordata found a tendency for the first arrivals on the beach to depart the beach encoupled with later arriving Paradisers.

Now, onto more meaningful musings regarding Ashley I. and Jared. She and “Mr. Ashley I.” dropped into Paradise for “some quality alone time for the two of them as a couple.” They have enough bank to afford that time anywhere, but the beaches of Paradise were where they first met and hold many special memories for them. That and the fact that all they had to do to get a vacay for free was to be an example of how the process of Paradise has worked.

However, My Daughter Cassandra (MDC) pointed out that Ashley I. and Jared are an incredulous choice to defend the shield. The reason MDC pointed that out is only by stretching the meaning of “Paradise couple” can you claim that Ashley I. and Jared are evidence of why current Paradisers should place their hopes and dreams in the process. Here is the evidence of that stretch provided by my CRS at Us Weekly (and I hate myself for even finding much less going down this rabbit hole of interweb voyeurism):

  • Ashley I. and Jared met in 2015 on Season 2 of Paradise. It was love at first sight for her. For Jared, not so much.
  • They returned for Season 3 of Paradise and he pursued somebody not named Ashley I.
  • Ashley I. appeared on Bachelor Winter Games and left encoupled with a cast member not named Jared. Jared went down under to appear on Bachelor in Paradise: Australia.
  • They started dating in 2018. And in an appearance as visiting alumni on Season 4 of Paradise, Jared did the one-knee thing and they have lived and loved happily ever after.

So, sure, I suppose that if one party rejects the other party not once but twice; the other party dates someone other than the first party; finally, the parties date each other three years later; and the parties later appear in Paradise for a proposal is evidence of how the process works, yeah, go ahead and defend the shield with that. But it is a lonnnnnnggg stretch to use Ashley I. and Jared as success on Paradise. Yes, they found their person there. It just took three years and being in other relationships for them to figure that out.

That’s all I got for now. See you sometime next week with continued Paradise musings.

P.S. This week’s viewing and blog were brought to you by (in no particular order and not in equal amounts): Headline Cabernet Sauvignon, Mascota Vineyards Cabernet Franc (I really like this), Oblivion Zinfandel, and Hierogram Zinfandel.

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