Cue Maria from West Side Story. Cue Ave Maria. Cue Santana’s Maria, Maria. Cue R.B. Greaves Take a Letter Maria. Cue My Maria, I Did What I Did for Maria, O Maria, Dear Maria Count Me In[1]. Cue ALL the Maria songs[2].
It had to end this way. Even though we waited for 80 of our 120 minutes to finally get to Maria, the entire episode was about Maria. Actually, EVERY episode was about Maria. She was the gravitational force that unintentionally and innocently pulled every cast member, including Joey, into her drama-filled orbit. Coming into this episode, she had the most screen time by a factor of two. We were either watching Maria or waiting to watch Maria.
But Joey is the lead, and the journey to find love (take a sip) is his journey. So Maria had to go. But in a classic case of Maria gonna Maria – or as I like to say, “Never be surprised when someone acts like themself” – she effectively self-eliminated by not saying the L-word, or some variation thereof, phrases thrown around on Bachelor franchises as often as pennies in a public pond.
For his part, Joey’s doubts about Maria’s yinning and yanning played a role, too. And there was Maria’s uber-possessive Dad – an 80s rocker-looking[3] mashup of Richie Sambora (ex-Bon Jovi) and Gene Simmons[4] (Kiss) – who was scary in his weird way. He spoke about Maria as if she was a precious family heirloom. And how must his other daughter feel about his abnormal obsession with her sister?
With that, let’s rewind and quickly fast forward through the tape.
Hometown #1 was Katelyn. Her sister loves Joey. Dad loves Joey. It’s a fabulous visit, and Katelyn is still my betting favorite for the Neil Lane ring and Joey’s bended knee.
Hometown #2 was Rachel. Everybody seemed to be having fun at a house party. Eventually, Mom and Dad played their roles as THE SKEPTICAL AND PROTECTIVE PARENTS (there are three other girls, they don’t want her to get hurt) very well. There was the eating of a pig’s ear. Hard pass. It took several sips of wine to unimagine tasting that.
Hometown #3 was Daisy. This one concerns me as My Girl @bachelordata’s research shows that the fewest winners have come from Hometown #3. All of Daisy’s girlfriends swoon over Joey. Mom and Dad think he’s awesome. EVERYBODY LOVES THIS MAN!!!! Daisy finally throws out some L-words. She is impossibly adorable. And I am putting my money on her being the next Bachelorette.
The Hanger for The Rose Ceremony. Friend and Loyal Follower of These Musings CSP asked if anybody came in on the plane. Joey did the usual Bachelor Walk, where The Bachelors hold their hands together at their waist as they walk into a Rose Ceremony. Maria asks Joey for a word . . . a…n…d… CUT to commercial break as the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) play their Maria card one last time.
After the break, she finally finds the wherewithal to throw out some L-words but it is the classic day late and a dollar short type situation. It was clear from the moment she asked Joey if they could talk that his mind was made up. But I imagine his choice to leave her Rose-less was logical and tortured. Joey’s connection with her was strong (take a sip). No disrespect to Rachel, but I always felt like Joey envisioned Maria being in his Final Three.
Personally, I liked Maria, but she had no chance of winning. Putting aside the things I’ve already mentioned, I cannot think of such a dominant contestant winning since Cruella de Courtney (Courtney Robertson, the gold standard for Bachelor franchise villainy) got Ben’s bent knee back in 2012. I’m sure Maria was polarizing for some (I’m looking at you, KMD), but she and Daisy were the only cast members who gained IG followers this season and Maria just passed Daisy in TikTok followers. I’m confident Maria will play a significant role in the Women Yell All episode, and I’m guessing the EGPs will want her instincts for drama in Paradise.
And that’s a wrap. See you next week.
[re-cue all the Maria songs]
P.S. This week’s viewing wine was a repeat of the high quality-to-price ratio Latitud 42 Rioja Crianza. I happened to have a bottle of it already opened.
[1] Brooks & Dunn, Tony Christie, Beck, All Time Low, respectively.
[2] Which would include but not limited to Justin Bieber, Ricky Martin, Blondie, and Michael Jackson. Apparently, Marias are popular muses.
[3] Got that idea from My Daughter Diandra (MDD).
[4] My idea.
Ray's Musings 
Love to YDD for [3]. Very nice! Oh and, I do love the 80’s. 😎 Same to you for [4].
Yeah, I just never could get on board with Maria. Once I saw her dad, I kind of got it. Very strange. I was not really a fan of Daisy either, but she did kind of grow on me on her hometown. 🤷🏼♀️
LikeLike