Whoa. They done walked right out the commercial into Cocktail Party with zero warning! Hit Rewind, Ray! The guys are duped into thinking the Party will be drama-free because they don’t know a Jenn ex has been flown from Colombia to Auckland to muck things up. Jenn sat herself down in the middle of the guys and cuts to the chase – her ex-boyfriend Matt is here, in love with her, and wants to join the show.
The guys first react with shock and awe and rubbing—lots of rubbing of eyes, faces, and jaws to absorb this calamitous news. Jenn then leaves them to sit with their feelings—don’t try this with a bunch of guys at home—while she goes to sort hers out with Matt the Ex.
While she’s nipping Matt’s hopes before they bud, the guys, with the notable exception of Grant, who tries to keep Devin from imploding, display a gross amount of entitlement. Who’s this interloper coming here to interfere in OUR relationships, OUR journeys? He hasn’t been through what we’ve been through. She can’t let him do this to US! That’s not fair to US!
Uh, isn’t this Jenn’s story? Isn’t she free to choose her life partner however she wants? And do I need to repeat how much of an a-hole Sam the Sham is?
The guys are surprised to see Matt the Ex enter the room, where he addresses them in a soft-spoken, humble, unsculpted abs way that stands in stark contrast to the macho, uber-competitive personalities that are all too typical of The Bachelorette. The message he delivers for Jenn is that she’s confident that The One is in the room, a confidence echoed by Sam the Sham in his usual a-holey way. Meanwhile, Bachelor Nation is thinking, “Jesse, can Matt at least stay and replace Sam the Sham?”
Jenn returns to cancel the Cocktail Party, which is bad news for the guys who need that time with Jenn. And it’s finally bye-bye to the annoying Thomas N [cue Ray Charles Hit the Road Jack] and some guy named John. With promotional considerations by . . .
With The Ex Drama behind us, it’s Date Card time with the usual wistful thinking of lack of time with Jenn dominating the guys’ thoughts, especially Austin, who is hoping for a 1-on-1. However, it goes to Jonathan, and it’s ANOTHER helicopter date. They take a ride to a vineyard, something New Zealand is known for, and do nothing relating to wine. This is an incredible waste of a chopper ride and a vineyard.
That evening, Jenn wears a killer dress (her fits were pretty much fire all night), she and Jonathan share some fake food, and they talk all about vulnerability and stuff. When she shares how she’s been treated badly in the past, the bad guys sound like Sam the Sham. And they kiss in the rain [cue Pitbull feat. Marc Anthony Rain Over Me] in fulfillment of Jonathan’s rom-com fantasies. He could be this season’s late-blooming contender.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, it’s Group Date Card time, with the usual wistful thinking of lack of time with Jenn dominating the guys’s thoughts, especially Austin, who are hoping their names are NOT on the card and they get a 1-on-1. Sorry, Austin, it’s Grant for the 1-1.
The Group Date involved a number of challenging and disgusting tasks with sheep. Adrenaline dates and animals – if I had to pick a season that I would least want to be cast on, it would be this one, no matter who The Bachelorette was. Devin, however, understands the real assignment is to get time with Jenn, and he shirks his duties early and often to do so. The Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) make sure Jenn gives him The Group Date Rose.
This gets the guys feeling like they have dingleberries in an uncomfortable place, and they confront Devin at The Cocktail Party about his victory, as if Devin was responsible for crowning himself Top Sheep Dude. Again, hyper-competitive guys acting like entitled victims.
Austin’s feelings of neglect finally come to a head at the Group Date After-Party, where he self-eliminates. This is a clear violation of the unwritten rules that all eliminations must come at the pleasure of The Lead. She is one with the power to string you along until such time she or the EGPs have no further use for you.
This violation of Bachelor protocol gets Jenn into her lack of self-worth/lack of agency feelings and throws her for an emotional loop, which she shares with the guys at the After Austin portion of the After-Party. With their great sensitivity and empathy, the guys know just what to do – make a competition out of who can make Jenn feel better! With points subCatracted from Sam the Sham’s score whenever he sounds like an a-hole, and, yep, there he did it again!
In the end, Jenn loves the attention and affirmation, and the next day, it’s off to her 1-on-1 with Grant the Hot. This date involves horses. Heights and animals. This is not a season meant for me. At the non-dinner dinner, they bond over the challenges each faced with their Dads [cue George Michael Father Figure] and he gets a Rose.
Cocktail Party time! Grant kicks things off before Jenn arrives by telling the guys he’s caught serious L-feelings for Jenn. This makes some of the guys feel a certain way, especially Dylan, who laments not having had enough time with her to get to that point. Devin and his insecurities feel a kind of way, too.
With so much on the line – there are only eight guys left – of course, Jenn cancels the Cocktail Party again! Dylan knows he is screwed, and indeed, he got the ride in the exit limo. I suspect Jeremy and Spencer will be next in line.
The previews for the coming weeks are fire! I’m looking forward to seeing all the ways the EGPs were misdirecting us.
And that’s a wrap. This was a juicy episode! See you next week.
P.S. No wine this week. I was badly under the weather.
Ray's Musings 
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