Monday night, Days 9 and 10 of Paradise, had the feel of an OG BIP – a fast-moving combo of dates, games, and drama. Let’s break down my highlights.
Kat stirs Dale’s pot by asking him if he’s open to dating someone. It was a yes or no question, and as usual, Dale failed to give a yes or a no. As usual, she pushes him for clarity, and, as usual, he never gives it to her. She stops pushing for the moment. He thinks they have a great new level of understanding of each other and that the relationship is moving forward. And the New Evil Genius Producers (NEGPs) are doing a fantastic job telling their deranged relationship story (EIGHT whole days so far!).
Jeremy is caught off camera pining for Susie to Brian (cue Player Baby Come Back). Meanwhile, he is giving Bailey all the vibes of being really into their relationship. She is completely smitten while he’s telling his boy he’s not feeling it.
Nancy, a new Golden, arrives. At this point, with only three Golden Men to choose from, it might seem like she has slim pickins. But one of those three is Baller Gary, who needs some sort of recognition as being the Most Desirable Man in Bachelor Franchise History (theme song Barry White’s I’ve Got So Much to Give).
Nancy and Baller Gary go on a date where they participate in a ritualistic ceremony in which they consume some mysterious cacao and can experience themselves and each other with complete freedom – but without penetration – a word that I’m certain has not been on anyone’s Bingo card in the history of the franchise.
And then, the real fun of the night – a new chemistry test – The Birds of Paradise. Everybody, especially the guys, and surely with help from production, got dressed and made up like birds. The game was for the guys to do a mating dance with the bird of their choice, presumably the bird they’re in a relationship with. Bartenders Wells and Hannah – we are NOT seeing enough of Hannah – judged the winners, with the prize of 1-on-1 time in the BIP/VIP suite.
And there were lots of jokes about flocking.
I said “presumably” in relation to the guys’ choices because there were two exceptions. Before the games began, there was also a new arrival in the form of a former Miss California, Allyshia from Grant’s season. She was peeping Dale from the jump, and he pulled her in for some seriously hot mating dance action (cue Color Me Badd I Wanna Sex You Up), much to Kat’s displeasure.
Also, Sean, aka Prince Charming, ignores his girl-for-the-moment, Jill, in favor of getting freaky with the daffy Golden April. This sends Jill into an understandable tizzy, and she decides to leave Paradise. Jill’s problem is that Paradise is a quirky show that is not suited for quirky people. She’s a self-admitted acquired taste in an environment where the idea is to sample buffet items as quickly as possible.
The winners of Birds of Paradise were Brian and Parissa, and they won the prize of 1-on-1 time in the BIP/VIP suite. Unfortunately, they have two very different soundtracks for what they are looking forward to. Parissa’s DJ is playing Spanky and Our Gang Like to Get to Know You. Brian’s DJ is playing, “All I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom in a pum pum.” (Wreckx-N-Effect Rump Shaker) They left their nest in the morning with very different perspectives on how the night went.
Relationship-less Jonathan talks ish about Dale and worms his way to getting Allyshia’s date card. But she still has her eyes on Dale (cue John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John You’re the One That I Want), and we can only hope that the Dale/Kat mess is building to a satisfying meltdown.
There was a Golden scare when Captain Kim needed medical attention for an elevated heart rate. Are we not surprised? Paradise goes HARD for days for 20-somethings. Multiply that age times three, and I think the NEGPs were playing with fire by inviting The Goldens into the Paradise vortex.
He ended up missing the date that new arrival Faith had intended to ask him on. But in a nice moment, she asked fellow Lady Golden Kathy to go horse-riding with her to help Kathy get over her fear of horses. It was a nice change of pace from the predatory Paradise coupling and re-coupling.
Finally, I have to shoutout the NEGPs for their strong music1 and chyron game. Here are a few samples.
And that’s a wrap on a fun episode. See you next week.
P.S. This week’s viewing was Educated Guess Cabernet (shoutout to Dear Friend and Long-Time Follower of These Musings KMD – she knows what’s up). My editor has been remiss in reminding me to cite my wines each week, and he has been sacked.
- Even though I suspect that AI is involved. ↩︎
Ray's Musings 
I just cannot with the multiple flocking references. I mean, it’s not really even clever. Love the wine choice! I miss your face. I will contact Raytheon immediately to have them schedule you.😎
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