Bachelor In Paradise: Nine Finale Musings

Musing #1. Never have I heard about changing a Facebook Relationship Status so much in two hours. Nor did I think not changing said status would be a reason for breaking off a weeklong relationship. Maybe I’m old so I don’t understand the significance of this. Is it the equivalent of, “I like you but I’m not quite ready to wear your class ring (or letterman’s jacket) just yet? Like, we just met last week.”

dumpster fireMusing #2. Having said that, this is Dean’s current Facebook Relationship Status.

Musing #3. Kristina for next Bachelorette? Does she have a big enough personality to carry the show, though?

Musing #4. MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE INCIDENT THAT EVERYBODY SAYS WASN’T AN INCIDENT, HERE ARE DEMARIO AND CORINNE!!!! Oh, except for this recent receipt from IMG_0933sometime prior to this week’s show . . . . #fakenews

Musing #5. If I never see The Twins again, that’s more than OK.

Musing #6. So Chris announces that the Paradisers have one day to have “some hard conversations” (cue up The Clash singing Should I Stay or Should I Go?). It had to be hard since it seemed each guy was handed the same script: 1) review the history of the relationship; 2) say all the wonderful things he really likes about her; 3) say all the wonderful things he’s starting to feel for her; 4) sorry, I just need to insert the reminder that these people have known each other for just a few days; 5) he pops the will you be my girlfriend question.

uh noI thought it was cool that the girls mostly said, uh, no. And thus began the aforementioned Facebook Relationship Status dilemma for Lacey (she wanted to change hers) and Daniel (he didn’t want to change his).

Musing #7. The exit into the sea of “Scallop Fingers” Christine (pictured above shooting down “serial killer” Jack Stone) was uproariously funny as was Ben’s Hallmark movie-worthy proclamation of love (for his dog) in the show’s outro. It’s stuff like this[1] that is Paradise’s sweet spot – when the show is so transparently self-aware and makes great, great fun of itself.

Musing #8. We love redemption, right? So it was good to see Taylor, who was something of a villain in this year’s The Bachelor, show off her self-proclaimed great emotional intelligence and crucial conversation skills to get her Neil Lane diamond from Derek.

Musing #9. On other hand, I’m am not about Team Raven/Adam. My Daughter Cassandra said, “He’s too vanilla-y for you.” Yes, I know that makes me sound horribly judgmental and condescending. But that’s exactly why we watch reality TV – to be horribly judgmental and condescending – right?

It’s a wrap. And with that, summer is officially over. 😦

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[1] As well as the show’s ultra-cheesy theme song and opening.

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