This time they went too far. The Bachelor franchise has always taken itself too seriously but at least they kept seriousness out of Bachelor in Paradise. Tonight, however, after an hour of as perfectly produced Paradise as possible perhaps for perpetuity, they decided to ruin a perfectly stupid show.
Yes, after a lit hour of the kinds of madcappery and mayhem we have come to adore and expect, we got hijacked into an hour of Chris and cast talking about what ALL OF AMERICA HAS BEEN TALKING ALL SUMMER ABOUT (as if politics and that Despacito song haven’t been happening) – THE CORINNE AND DOUBLE DEALIN’ D THING.
To that end, we got another infomercial with the cast (starring the Queen of Paradise, the ever-adorable Raven) talking about how wonderful and real Paradise is. And to prove it, the married-because-of-Paradise couple Carly and Evan came on to show to tell us how he won her heart; how happy they are; how pregnant they are; and finally, to do an ultrasound on live TV. None of which is nearly as riveting as how many girlfriends Adam has and how many boyfriends Raven has – uh, wait, weren’t Adam and Raven dating each other just last week?
And then, of course, we had to spend 30 minutes with Double Dealin’ D telling his side of the story that ALL OF AMERICA HAS BEEN TALKING ALL SUMMER ABOUT – as if the threat of nuclear war and that Despacito song haven’t been happening.
Next week we’ll hear Corinne’s side of the story that ALL OF AMERICA HAS BEEN TALKING ALL SUMMER ABOUT. And that Despacito song will still be #1. But I’d be much happier if we were talking about Lacey vs. Taylor, Raven vs. Sarah, Dean vs. everybody and that kiss between Wells and Danielle M.
Paradise, please remember that you’re a summer show about summer flings. Don’t take yourself so seriously. We love you when you’re stupid.
 We had our first one during the talk Chris Harrison had with the cast after their return to Mexico.
 How did Danielle L. get to be called D-Lo and Danielle M. not get called D-Mo?