It’s that time and I am so excited for a Bachelorette with SO many outstanding qualities: cute, enchanting, captivating, self-aware and snarky, made-for-TV-personality, and counter-culture from what has been the norm. This season with Bekah is going to be great!
What? Really? Oh [%*$#], that’s right. It’s not My Bekah. It’s that other, far-less-interesting Becca. [Cue Becca Got Horrifically Dumped by the Odious Scoundrel Arie playlist: What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted; Love Hurts; Love Stinks; You Give Love a Bad Name; I Hate Myself for Loving You]
Who knows? Maybe I’ll grow to like less-interesting Becca. Or maybe this will just be my fix to get me to Bachelor in Paradise and my reunion with My Girl Bekah [Cue Gary Puckett and The Union Gap Young Girl].
As always, the first episode is way more about the (testosterone-laden) Guys than the Bachelorette. Football Throwers! Basketball Dunkers! Rod and Reel Casters! Clay Modelers named Clay! Real Models! Chicken Ca-ka-ers! Venmo Creators! Colognesseurs! Black Nerds!
To which my wife said, “Where do they get these guys from?” (I assume she was not throwing shade at black nerds.)
And from all of these choices, Bachelorette Becca gives the First Impression Rose to Garrett, a guy who it was discovered had the worst social media past until Roseanne went all-Ambien.
Also noteworthy was a Week 1 “here for the wrong reasons”. In this case, it was a guy with a scorned ex that made Becca suspicious. I would have thought that he said, “I’ve watched this show WITH MY MOM since I was 20”, would have been way more disqualifying.
It’s far too early for me to draw any conclusions. A few of my more intuitive-about-love-than-me peeps (a pretty low bar) in my circle already have some faves. I need more evidence.
See you next week – perhaps in a more timely fashion, since there is no NBA playoffs this coming Monday.
 Gosh darn it.
 Do we really believe that HE was the one who did that? If you do, Venmo me $10K and I’ll buy some gold coins for us from this guy I know and we’ll split the profits.
 Pardon me if I have a soft spot for Black Nerds.
 Yep. Take a gulp from your Drinking Game beverage!