Who Didn’t Have the Odds in Vegas

Three guys melted down. Two went home. One stayed to be humiliated for another week. Before we discuss, let’s understand how we got to this week in Sin City.

Earlier today, My Daughter Cassandra summarized this season perfectly: “I still don’t know any of the guys’ names. There’s no clear frontrunner. The only ones I remember are the two guys who annoy each other and I don’t even know their names. And they’re recycling old dates.” To prove the latter point, just two weeks after a songwriting date featuring the aging Richard Marx, the guys go on a – wait for it – songwriting date featuring the ancient Wayne Newton. Using the song Danke Schoen as a songwriting platform should play well to the 80 and over demographic.

But after three weeks and a boring first hour, we finally got some testosterone-laden drama. Male Model Jordan (MMJ) and Despicable David (D2) got the two-on-one we all saw coming. D2 for his part looked forward to coming out on top in the competition even thought he was miffed that MMJ was “too focused on winning”. Uh, what? It was apparent to me that both had to go because D2 was too focused on MMJ rather than Becca and MMJ was too focused on MMJ rather than Becca. The only question was how their exits would come. Because I found him the most annoying, it was satisfying to see D2 go first so we could be entertained later by MMJ’s obsessiveness over himself during his date where Becca played third wheel to MMJ and his ego.

Then we had Chris’ meltdown. I know it was Chris because I had to look him up. Playing too cool for school about his “connection” with Becca, he didn’t seek out one-on-one time during the cocktail party fully expecting Becca to seek him out. Except she didn’t. And Chris’ cool was exposed as a façade.

At first, he wanted to leave the show because Becca didn’t come talk to him. Seriously. Then he wanted to go home because some other guy (I’m not looking him up) got the Group Date Rose. Perhaps he was upset because his strategy of not talking to Becca somehow lost out to someone who actually spent time talking to Becca. Then he wanted to stay and fight for Becca after she called him out for not bothering to seek her out at the cocktail party.

And then it got really interesting when he tried to interrupt another guy’s (I’m not looking him up) one-on-one time. Oh, now he wants to talk?! Except that the other guy wasn’t willing to accommodate Chris. Eventually he gave him two minutes and actually put him on the clock! Chris kept insisting he needed to talk to Becca – Oh, now he wants to talk?! – to which the other guy said he was asking him politely to leave in a manner that suggested we didn’t really want to see him ask impolitely.

With MMJ and D2 gone, the guys needed somebody else to talk about and Chris’ lack of having the kind of “emotional stability Becca wants in a partner” quickly became the topic of cocktail conversation. Somehow, unstable Chris ended up getting a rose because I suspect that Becca, like the rest of us, didn’t know the guy she sent home, either (I didn’t look him up). Chris should be gone next week, anyway.

And with that, I desperately need to go listen to something, anything, to get the imprint of an aging Wayne Newton singing Danke Shoen off of my mind.