Sorry I’m late recapping last week’s episodes and, alas, I’ll be late recapping this week’s episodes, too. After powering through last week’s ridiculiciousness in one sitting with My Daughter Cassandra, in lieu of a recap, here are The Questions I’m looking for answers to this week.
Now that Golden Child Colton has gotten closure (that was quick!) from Becca, how much longer will we be teased with the on again/off again hot buttered messiness of he and Tia? [Cue Eagles Try To Love Again.]
How long will it take for Tia – who refused in NO uncertain terms that she would NOT be anybody’s second choice – to dump Chris, her, uh, second choice?
Speaking of Chris, exactly how big of a d-bag is he? [Cue Eagles Lyin’ Eyes.]
How long will it take for Krystal and her narcissism, and all the other girls to figure out exactly how big of a d-bag he is? [Cue Jean Knight Mr. Big Stuff.]
How will the Caroline-Venmo John-Jubilee triangle work out? (I’m Team Caroline, here.)
Which new guy will show up that Annaliese can immediately fantasize that she’s in a headed-to-the-altar relationship with? [Cue Backstreet Boys Make Believe.]
Will David talk to any girls other than those interested in Male Model Jordan about anything other than Male Model Jordan? And exactly how obsessed is he with Male Model Jordan?
And speaking of Male Model Jordan, how long will it take for he and Alien Jenna to implode?
I eagerly look forward to the answers. See you later in the week.
 On a scale of 1-10, why don’t we start at 10 and go from there?
 See footnote #1.