The Lukeness Monster

Go ahead and accuse me of Recency Bias, especially since I’m gonna get all psychological, anyway. But this was one of my favorite (and best?) episodes of The Bachelor franchise. Within the dichotomous spectrum[1] of scripted vs. real, the producers did a superb job of putting us viewers smack in the middle of that tension.

On the one hand, you have Hannah B. telling us how she used to lose her real sense of self and identity trying to make herself fit the guys she was dating. That’s real stuff. And then you have her going on a one-on-one with the one guy who she’s SO attracted to and is so wrong for her[2] and will most challenge her on her fitting-into baggage. The date was obviously scripted to play into that tension not to mention the scripted drama of how “thrilled” all the guys were that Luke P. was getting the one-on-one.

Seriously, we all struggle with the thing we shouldn’t want but we can’t stop wanting anyway. If I’m being as open as Hannah B. would want me to be, I know I shouldn’t love Britney Spears as much as I do. But Lord help me, I do love her so. And like Hannah B. with Luke P., I can list off logical reasons why those reasons are more about convincing you that I’m not crazy than convincing you I’m right about said object of endearment. (But seriously, the Baby One More Time video? Gimme More? (You Drive Me (Crazy)? Great songs.)

And then we get the cliffhanger!!! Good job, producers! She doesn’t give him The Date Rose but we have to wait another episode to find out if Hannah B. sends “The Lukeness Monster” packing. We can only hope so. It’s time. But dang, what if she doesn’t?

giphy (9)

As to the non-Luke P. part of the programming, it was classy but still a shame to see Luke S. leave on his own. I suspect that it was pretty clear to him that he hadn’t made a big impression on Hannah B. no matter Luke P.’s conspirings against him. Paradise appearance maybe?

Speaking of Paradise appearances, it was sad to see John Paul Jones go but I think My Girl Demi is the perfect antidote to his hurt feelings, amirite?


Mike had a nice one-one with Hannah B. Unfortunately, he’s in SO deep and spoke SO glowingly of “magical moments” [cue The Drifters This Magic Moment[3]]. This only furthers my belief that he will end up completely shattered and broken-hearted, and not even making the “final” group.

Great shirt, though. Although I’d go with a black sweater, personally. Or a deep cherry red to play off the red band in the collar.


It is totally worth noting how much burdensome pre-occupation Hannah B. has with Luke P. as noted by how free she is with the other guys. By “other guys” I mean, Country Musician Jeb and (Take Me to the Pilot) Peter. And by “free” I mean, how she – uh, how do I put this in a way that won’t make me squeamish with my daughters and my friends’ daughters – uh, you know, how she showed a lot of affection, yeah affection – or as Kevin said, “Hannah had, like, Jed pinned down, like, attacking the [bleep] out of him”. It only got more, uh, affectionate, with Peter – bringing new meaning to when the airline attendants say, “If there’s anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable, please let us know.”

Methinks she seems to like some guys more than Luke P.

And, yes, yet another killer dress.


So, will she FINALLY figure out that Luke P. is a bad guy? I hope so. I love my villains but they need to have a limited shelf life. And then come back to Paradise as chastened and redeemed personalities.

Roll Tide.


[1] You have no idea how happy I am putting those words together. I have goosebumps.

[2] And wrong for pretty much any person.

[3] The cover version by Jay and The Americans is acceptable. Jay had a nice voice.

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