Seriously? An hour-long recap in the middle of a mid-season episode? So my musings are a recap of a recap? And Hannah B. says that, “All we talk about is stupid s**t?” Really? Do they not see the irony?
And did any sane person really believe Hannah B. was going to throw in the towel and end the season? Of course, Counselor Chris was going to save the day – validating her bad times (you know she loves that!), reminding her of the good times, and ultimately getting her back on her journey to find love. [cue Pat Benatar Love Is A Battlefield]
Hopefully, she has better times in store than the fun she had with the pimple she named Marcus. If not, we will end up wishing they had canceled the season or started Paradise early. Was there really that little that went on in the season? Were the guys less interesting than a zit? Well, certainly Dillon and Devin, who still nobody knows, were. Or is it Dylan and Devon? Actually, nobody cares.
It’s pretty clear that the producers have made the decision to allow The Lukeness Monster to swallow the season whole. This is causing some cognitive dissonance for me. When Cruella de Courtney took over winemaker Ben’s season, I was OK with that. Lukeness, on the hand, bugs the living s**t out of me. So I’m OK when a girl is an a-hole but not a guy? Not really. But Cruella de Courtney? Yes. Lukeness? No. It’s all so conflicting!
Rather than deal with my personal contradictions, I’d much rather psychologically examine Hannah B. who is really projecting like crazy. Lukeness is a horrible guy. The guys know he’s a horrible guy. But she can’t handle the fact that she feels something for the horrible guy so rather than deal with that, she gaslights the other guys and makes them feel like horrible guys, including Dillon and Devin. Or is it Dylan and Devon? I don’t think Hannah B. knows, either.
And all her whining about nobody asking her about her precious feelings and, “All we ever talk about is stupid s**t”, is because she keeps cancelling cocktail parties when she can’t handle the guys trying to get her to see that Lukeness is a monster.
(Interlude: the best moment of the show was when [cue Justin Bieber Sorry] Garrett apologized to all the guys for being part of the Lukemess (See how I changed that up? Clever, right?) and Luke thought Garrett was apologizing to him! [cue Carly Simon You’re So Vain])
Well, the non-show show of recaps ended with “sneak peeks”! I love things that are so sneaky that only me and the other 5.5 million people watching know about. And The Lukeness Monster is featured prominently in most of them.
I feel like the guys.
 Sorry about the bad language which I’m not really saying since I don’t talk this way. But this episode broke me.