All About Luke

My family and very close friends will attest to the fact that I am absolutely anal about watching TV shows or movies right from the very beginning. To me, context matters tremendously and what seems to be a minor detail may enhance the meaning to me of later moments. Therefore, I am quite insistent about not missing anything.

So, it was extremely surprising that I began Monday’s Bachelorette episode a bit after the first hour. I arrived in time to see Hannah B. and (Take Me to the Pilot) Peter in a way that needed no context as they were interacting in their familiar way of taking turns being on top of each other. In addition to the obvious physical chemistry that Hannah B. says they share, she also said of him, “He’s the guy you see pushing the stroller in the park.” Whoa. And he got the fireworks treatment in their date, too. He’s got to be favored to be around at the end, right?

Of course, the guy who’s still annoyingly here and could possibly be around for a while is The Lukeness Monster. Every episode this season has been dominated by him. Since the show’s ratings are strong and rising each week, it’s clear that Hannah B. isn’t the only one who loves having a convincing villain around.

Basically, Lukeness gets outraged by everything everybody else does and everybody else gets outraged at everything Lukeness does. Luke’s weekly move seems to be:

  1. Do/say something awful.
  2. Say he didn’t do/say awful thing.
  3. Says he did/say awful thing but it was because he was led to by Hannah B.
  4. Apologize to Hannah B. because he did do/say awful things but because he loves her so much he is going to be an even better person and if they’re together they’ll always be able to get through all the awful things he says/does because he will always keep fighting to not do/say awful things.

Doesn’t sound like the basis for a solid relationship – unless you like co-dependency – but he keeps getting roses because Hannah B. believes The Monster does “have good in him” as if he’s Darth Vader.

giphy (3)

As to the rest of the show which I did go back and see the parts I missed, we’re at that point in the season where EVERYBODY – including the newly roseless Dustin and Dylan whom I still don’t know – is in love with Hannah B. To express his adoration, Jeb extemporaneously creates a brief, impromptu 1-on-1 with the classic Balladeering Under His Beloved’s Balcony move. Based on Hannah B.’s heartfelt reaction, it was an effective stratagem.

Oh, yes, there was the naked bungee jumping with Garrett which set Lukeness off in his over-possessive pique of self-righteousness. It was a good metaphor for taking a vulnerable leap into love. But my inner skeptic wonders if there was actual nudity involved. We can’t know, of course, because of the black boxes supposedly covering exposed body parts. I know they talked like there was actual nudity involved but I’m not convinced. In any case with my fear of heights, nakedness would be the last thing I’d be concerned with.


Alas, Hannah B.’s search for love – aided and abetted by her own inner demons – has been turned into All About Luke. He is the unavoidable context into which virtually element of this season seems to fit into. And it’s likely to only get more intense.

Roll Tide.

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