“I went through four COVID tests for this.”
That’s finding love in 2020 for you. [cue Bon Jovi Social Disease]
So many women. So many very pretty women. So many COVID-tested women. Too many women to draw any conclusions other than the First Impression Rose always means something and that went to Abigail who is hearing impaired and totally adorable and wow the chemistry between her and Matt was palpable which explains why they simultaneously went in for the kiss. [cue Faith Hill This Kiss]
The first night is always pretty narrativeless, so in lieu of narrative here are my random and mostly meaningless observations.
- I live on the East coast and have lived in various places only a few hours from the Nemacolin, PA resort where this Bachelor season is situated. It’s going to be fun to see familiar geography (especially fall foliage) throughout the season.
- Matt is off to a good start as The Bachelor. So far he’s very smooth (I had already written that word down before all the women in the house used this word) yet appears sincere and self-aware.
- I LOVED the evil genius producers deciding to take the issue of race head on. He’s the first black male Bachelor and that’s a thing and to me even a bigger thing than Rachel Lindsay being the first female Bachelorette. Moreover, they just decided to lean all the way into a host of other social issues this season: mixed race couples, diversity (in terms of casting), and religion (Matt’s opening prayer at the first cocktail party). It’s like they’ve accepted the reality that relationships are complicated and that the real-life people things that make them complicated need to be brought into the fantasy world upon which the franchise is built.
- The cold open using a clip from later in the show was a cool way to start the episode. It wasn’t the usual “Tonight on The Bachelor” that we’re accustomed to, which forced our immediate attention in a novel way.
- The formality of the first meet and greet was also an interesting choice: Matt in a tux, ladies mostly in formal gowns. The Chateau at Nemacolin looked like a castle and the whole scene was reminiscent of a royal ball with well-clad guests arriving in carriages (limos) and being greeted by the estate manager (Chris Harrison) or Matt, the handsome and single prince.
- Speaking of “royalty”, the highly annoying self-titled Queen Victoria’s personality was way too close to the Cecily Strong Saturday Night Live character The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party. Both are annoying but only one of them is funny. It’s not Victoria. I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of her. She’s likely one of those people cast for our “entertainment”.
- The chessboard was a convenient – and likely accidental – connection to The Queen’s Gambit.
- Too many sophomoric sexual jokes. I don’t like them. You don’t like them, either. And the evil genius producers know we don’t like them and they stick them in our face, anyway . . . which I actually respect. They know we’ll be irritated. And they know that we know that they know they’ll irritate us.
See you next week. There’s still going to be so many women. So many very pretty women. Too many women. [cue the Mitch Ryder and The Detroit Wheels cover of The Marvelettes Too Many Fish in the Sea]
P.S. Tonight’s viewing wine: Kirkland (Costco) Signature Malbec. At $6.99, it’s a solid quality-to-price bargain.
 Thank you to My Daughter Diandra (MDD) for that narrative.