Queen Victoria the Vacuous

“It’s kind of turning to all about Victoria now” – one of the Girls of Nemacolin.

Yeah, Queen Victoria is pretty much the vacuous but still irresistible force that draws all things to being about her. At this point we’re all counting the weeks – and praying to Matt’s God that they are few – until she’s gone. Moreover, the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) did us dirty by using My Girl Sarah’s – yes, she’s an early fave – fainting spell as an excuse to hang us and the Rose Ceremony on the cliff until next week. So we have to wait to see what happens in the Queen vs. Marylynn contretemps.

Oh, and wait. Victoria says she’s what? An empath?

Where is Wall $treet Dude when we need him to talk about her deficiencies in Emotional Intelligence?

The other and much more positive major theme of the night was Matt’s 1-on-1 with Sarah whose dad is afflicted with ALS. She’s adorable. And the producers made a LOT out of that date which means something. I said to The Women of The House that her edit means either: 1) she’s going to be around for a long while; 2) or she’s going to decide to make a dramatic early exit, perhaps to return home to her father. Or maybe the fainting spell is going to play into her story . . . EGPs I hate you!!!!!!

Matt at cocktail party: “There’s a lot of women I still need to have conversations with.”

I hear you, Matt. So many girls have the same name to me: “the cute brunette”; “the cute blonde”; the cute black girl”; “the one with the great hair” (actually that’s Pieper; great name, too). So like last week, I’ll cite some personal highlights and interesting observations.

• Another cold open of a future event (My Girl Sarah’s faint). I like this new feature.
• Matt said the word “journey” 30 SECONDS into the show. My Daughter Diandra (MDD) took her first sip. I hadn’t even poured a glass yet. MDD was better prepared than me.
• The 1-on-1 with Bri (also adorable) was good but ended up being overshadowed by Matt’s date with My Girl Sarah. Bri did get the ubiquitous Bachelor franchise fireworks which seemed early in the season for that already.
• Then there was the group date with 18 girls. EIGHTEEN?? That’s almost as many people on the field in the CFP National Championship presented by AT&T I’m watching right now. After some photo shoots in wedding dresses – also really early for that – they got down and dirty in those pristine gowns to fight for Matt’s heart by playing some combination of paintball and Capture the Flag. A friend of MDD said, “It’s too soon to be laying down dignity like this.”

With the recap out of the way, I want to turn your attention to a cool Instagram handle I learned about from MDD – bachelordata. Here we learn the following fact that would be relevant to tonight’s episode regarding the first 1-on-1 (Bri):

“It’s safe to assume, looking at the last 12 seasons, that the person who receives the first 1-on-1 tomorrow night will be on our TVs until the second half of the season. Odds are pretty low, though, for making it to final 2 or winning.”

As to the First Impression Rose (given to The Totally Adorable Abigail), here’s the data of FIR’s over the last 12 seasons:

• 10 of 12 made it to the second half of the season;
• 3 of 12 made the final two;
• 1 of 12 got the Final Rose – sort of. That was the one Hannah Ann got from Peter the Pilot before he decided he really wanted Madi although his crazy mother didn’t before he moved in with Kelly and now that’s over, too.

This is good for Abigail.

Also, I love data.  

See you next week. There’s still going to be so many women. So many very pretty women. Too many women. [cue Mötley Crüe Girls, Girls, Girls]

P.S. Tonight’s viewing wine: Gerard Bertrand Grand Terroir Tautavel 2017, a delightful blend of Grenache, Syrah and Carignan. A bargain at Costco for around $12.