The Women of Nemacolin Tell All

“None of this makes sense.”

That was My Daughter Diandra (MDD) describing the opening segment of The Women Tell All but she may have been describing, well, everything about this season. As far as Tell Alls go, this one was lame because the season itself was lame. That there was no raucous studio audience to take sides for and against the cast members robbed us of the usual spectacle that the Tell Alls (women and men) are supposed to be which confirmed the lameness of this season of The Bachelor in COVID.

What we learned from the aforementioned opening segment was that the Mean Girls thought all the Mean Girl Drama was Katie’s fault.

What we also learned is that the producers of a show about dating cut out two Group Dates because I guess Mean Girl Drama and White Minivan Heather make more sense than dates for a show about dating.

One date we missed was the pancake eating date featuring pancakes so dense they could be eaten like cookies. This validates all the more my feelings about the dubious quality of the Poutine in Matt and Serena P.’s Canadian themed date last week.

The other Group Date we missed was the raw egg eating (drinking?) date. MDD had a particularly strong reaction to this date: “I’m not risking salmonella. I’m already risking Lyme disease by being out here.”

We got our usual Chat with Chris in the Chair moments. The first was with Katie in what was probably meant to be a Bachelorette audition before all the hub-bub over the future direction of the franchise.

The next was with Abigail who got even more adorable.

Third was a mysterious Chat with Chris in the Chair with Pieper whose ouster Chris said “shocked” Bachelor Nation? Who was shocked? Although I did mention my own surprise at the time, I also pointed out that she is one of the least followed cast members on Instagram. So who was all this uproar coming from?

Finally, Serena P. came down for the obligatory One Who Got Away Discussion, Part I.

Did anybody else notice that the camera kept going to Victoria? Why was this?

Then Matt came out with a beard that could only be grown by a guy who is single. Bachelor Twitter didn’t think much of it and NBA star James Harden had his own reaction when he was asked what he thought about it.

(No, he wasn’t actually asked about it.)

Matt was there to fulfill his role in The One Who Got Away Discussion, Part II where he confronts all of his exes, the most important of which was Serena P. who exed him. Matt still looks smitten.

We definitely did not need a Matt kissing compilation.

And bloopers? The whole season was a blooper!

What? There was a deleted scene involving Tayshia and Jojo? The editors need to be fired.

“That was a journey”, said a relieved MDD when the episode was over. No truer words were spoken.

P.S. Most of the blog was written under the influence of a constantly in rotation Parcelica Grande Red Blend which I am completely enamored with. Amazing Quality to Price ratio.