“Good luck trying to find something to write,” says My Daughter Diandra (MDD). With less than a half-page of notes after 90 minutes of this paint-drying-is-more-exciting episode, I definitely have my work cut out for me. Until she uttered that, my opening sentence was going to be something else she said, “OK. I’m opening solitaire. I’m bored.”

Let’s try to break this down.

How painful was the first segment about, uh, self-care? I’m going straight to 10 and leave it at that.

Then there was the fake wedding date with Justin. This one gets a 6-7. Could spike to 8 when I think about how tiresome the wedding trope is.

Katie dropped another personal bomb by telling us that her father, who recently passed away was not her biological father. But everything was made better by the appearance of the singer Max.

Me: “Max?”

MDD: “Who?”

Me: I dunno. Max?

MDD: “Who?”

Me: Max?

I hope that clears up who Max is for you[1].

Speaking of clearing things up, can someone explain the Group Date? What exactly was the point of the drag queens? Where was all the shade that was supposed to be thrown? Why was it called The Great Royal Debate? So many questions that aren’t worth answering.

Early favorite Conner – points deducted for the salmon shorts (he would, though) – got the 1-on-1 which was all about Katie seeing if there would be a magic kiss that could move him from the friend zone to the more-than-friends zone. They went on a cookout with Kaitlyn and Jason, where they must have been cooking burgers and brats for the production team, too.

Sadly, for Conner, Katie’s reaction was that it was more The Manhattan’s Let’s Kiss and Say Goodbye[2] than Faith Hill This Kiss, and he and his too many buttons unbuttoned shirt were tearfully dispatched on the spot. His limo ride of shame would have to wait until he reported that sad news to the guys. They were quite shooketh.

With remarkable insight and sensitivity, the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) sent Blake over to soothe Katie’s feelings with a boombox playing Laine Hardy’s[3] song, which apparently needs more promo. Katie’s feeling the heat. Blake moves to lock this ish up. It’s a Pointer Sisters Fire-type situation. Reread this paragraph. There are Hallmark movies that make ten times more sense than this.

Much to my friend KMD’s delight, Katie canceled the cocktail party! She tells them she’s following her heart (take a sip – it was a very dry night) and that more time with them won’t matter. Despite that, the guys all complain that they aren’t getting more time with her.

Basically, she sends home all of the drama-in-the-house guys including Hunter. And because there were enough roses, she somehow gives one to Brendan, whose name I don’t think I knew until then.

OK, MDD. I found something to write. It’s lame, but I didn’t have anything to work with. There are Hallmark movies better than this (those with Danica McKellar or Autumn Reeser). Let’s hope we’ve reached the bottom and the season gets better from here. Katie deserves better.

See you next week . . .

P.S. This weeks viewing wine Les Abeilles Cotes Du Rhone is a repeat from last week. Still on sale at Costco for $6.99 means procuring multiple bottles.

[1] The interwebs quickly divided into two camps: the 98% of people who were “Who is Max?” and the 2% who were shocked that 98% of people didn’t know of Max.

[2] Alternative track Steam Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye

[3] Last week’s “well-known” musical performer.

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