Me, angrily at 8:45 Eastern Standard Time: “I refuse to let myself believe she ends up with Blake!” And then My Daughter Diandra (MDD) chides me for not having had enough wine at that point to prepare myself for this sudden, horrifying realization.
Here is how this season ended.
Blake picks out an engagement ring for his fiancé Katie with his ex Tayshia, the woman he wanted to be his fiancé.
Even Kaitlyn’s fiancé Jason thought this was ridiculous.
Blake’s fiancé Katie fights with her ex Greg, the guy she wanted to be her fiancé while her fiancé Blake watches backstage.
After about 20 unnecessary minutes of that – during which MDD said, “Everybody needs to go to therapy” (I think she was including us, the viewing audience) – the (convincing-themselves-they-are) happy couple comes together so that Blake can tell his ex Tayshia, the woman he wanted to be his fiancé, how much he loves his fiancé Katie after we saw how hurt she still is at her ex Greg, the guy she wanted to be her fiancé.
And I think Hallmark movies are stupid?
Oh, and as always, another black man is done dirty.
At least we got the Justin Faces montage we knew we needed.
Miscellaneous #1 – here is the Verzuz (Bachelor Nation Edition) we all need: Katie’s aunt Lyndsey vs. Peter’s mom. [cue Foreigner Cold As Ice]
Miscellaneous #2 – the discussion of “gaslighting” that came up during Katie and Greg’s rehash of their breakup was because the good folks at @Bachelordata Instagram discovered that last week’s dramatic episode “led to the biggest spike in the last 6 months (and 12 months) of Google Searches around gaslighting in the US.”
Miscellaneous #3 – We really don’t need Chris Harrison anymore. Tayshia and Kaitlyn were a more than satisfactory substitute and I think the show benefits from a female touch. And I believe Tayshia is on her way to being some kind of star. That black fit was killer. MDD said it was something you’d wear for a Prince-themed party which is exactly the kind of comment that makes me love my children.
Bachelor in Paradise previews: Lil Jon is involved? He is PRECISELY that kind of Paradise energy. I’m looking forward to it. And no doubt I’ll be disappointed how briefly he appeared.
Back to our happy couple. I cling to my belief that they are a three-month fling after Stagecoach type relationship. I put the over-under at six months but they stay together for a year so that they can return the ring at no cost.
P.S. Tonight’s viewing wine which I didn’t start drinking soon enough was Joel Gott Merlot.
See you next week in Paradise.
 Yes, it’s part of the contract.