It’s Now or Never

Here is where we are as a society. A nerdy, ex-radio DJ turned Bachelor franchise star that nobody heard of five years ago is in a commercial with hip-hop legend Lil Jon. And I was there to see it.

It’s been a long season. At least it felt that way for some reason, even though at 11 episodes, it was two less than last year. And I’m ready to move on to more important matters.

So, I will be brief [cue Elvis It’s Now or Never].

With the pressure to go big or go home, we got three(!) engagements, although without the appearance of Neil Lane and his “iconic, high quality facelift” (MDD). Still got his product placement and promotional considerations, though.

Yes, those crazy kids Riley and Maurissa, old Kenny and a hot-looking Mari, and Grocery Store Joe (GSJ) and Serena decide to “do the damn thing” in Becca’s infamous words. As always, present results do not predict future outcomes, but strangely, Paradise has the best relationship track record of any of the shows in the franchise.

And wait! There’s more! During the show, the interwebs were posting pics of Everybody Loves Abigail and The Rehabilitated Noah. This was confirmed during the closing clips. My Daughter Diandra (MDD) and I agreed that their breakup that began the episode was salvageable. Their issues were more about communication than anything else. The feels were there. I’m sure all of Bachelor Nation is rooting for them.

Likewise, the producers also showed us that Becca and Everybody’s Doubting Thomas are a thing, too, despite Becca saying she needed “more humanity” from him. Whoa! Red flag much? And then there was his seemingly manipulative weeping when Becca broke it off with him. Based on her extensive experience watching trashy reality shows, MDD gave him an eight out of ten on the Fake AF Crocodile Tears Scale.


Another canceled cocktail party. Just for my dear friend KMD.

I don’t get the whole bromance thing between Aaron and Box Dude, and that whole producer staged exit they made together was quite unsettling, and I just need them out of my life stat even if they are likely to show up to Paradise again.

Can we please get justice for Queen Natasha?

That’s a wrap. Bring on Michelle.

P.S. Tonight’s wine was this excellent Rioja. If you hadn’t noticed, the theme for the season was wines from Spain for their colonization of influence on Mexico, where Paradise is filmed.

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