How Not to Bachlorette

Junior Evil Genius Producer (JEGP): “Which tropes do you want to use for the premiere?”

Senior Evil Genius Producer (SEGP): “Yes.”

They’re probably so happy to be making a more COVID-free show that they just trotted out the big guns right off the bat.

The Mama Trope – the show started with Michelle’s mom. But then we saw some scenes with the guys’ moms. Must be playing to the Mama’s boy demographic?

Find a guy who looks at you like he looks at his mom. Actually, don’t do that. It’s really creepy.

The Did They Have a Prior Relationship? Trope – On night one, they leaned hard into that one with Ghost Dude that Michelle was pursuing by sliding into his DMs prior to the show. We learned a potential relationship was brewing until he suddenly surprisingly ghosted[1] her. Storylines, storylines. Was he sincere with his “I went into a bad headspace” explanation, or did he show up because she was The Bachelorette? She gives him a rose against her intuition. Will she rekindle her old feelings or not be able to get there?

Right Reasons Trope – Ice Cream Man [cue Van Halen Ice Cream Man] aka Dossier Dude shows up with a file folder on How to Bachlorette[2]. Written, he says, by some female friends who are fans of the show. Really? Surely I’m not the only person in America who thought, “OCD? Type A in a bad way? Some kind of social disorder?” There was a section on how not to be a villain! OMG that is fabulous! Of course, this spurred the whole is he here for the right reasons thing. It was a short-lived thing because Michelle sent him and his file folder packing. But he burned brightly for the next 24 hours in Bachelor Nation viral internet infamy.

The Insane Entrance by a Nice Guy Trope – In the last two seasons, we had Box Dude (James/Tayshia) and Cat Dude (Michael/Katie) who defied expectations by having likable personalities and managing to stay around for a while. Enter Dinner Table Dude, who worked that role for much of the night. Michelle admitted there were sparks.

In my last blog, I told you to pay attention to who Michelle met early that she vibed with as an indicator of Final Four potential. I give you Nayte, Romeo, Jamie, and PJ the Firefighter. Nayte also got the First Impression Rose, so your money really needs to be on him. And you now need to pay attention to the others I just cited.

Question: What kind of wine did Italian Dude serve in his mini-meet with Michelle? I was dying for a closeup to see if it was an Italian vino. Also, did he get a rose? Too many dudes to pay attention to.

I want to circle back to Dossier Dude. My Daughter Diandra (MDD) has an interesting thesis. With the Brendan and Pieper storyline on Paradise, the Bachelor franchise openly acknowledged what was broadly known – cast members use the show to chase Instagram followers and social media platforms. And whether this was a plant, a setup, or whatever is irrelevant. By leaning into “the right reasons” narrative so hard on the first episode of The Bachelorette, the EGPs accomplished two things: reiterating that this stuff happens; and warning the other dudes that coming for the wrong reasons is a dangerous course of action.

This week’s viewing wine. There could be no other choice to celebrate the beginning of this season.

See you next week.

[1] I guess all ghosting is sudden and surprising to the party being ghosted.

[2] His spelling.

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