Boys Will Be Boys

Here’s what I know – there are still too many guys.

Here’s what I also know – the guys really love it when the Bachelorette walks into the room.

Oops. Wrong Bachelorette. [cue Luther Ingram (If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right]

As always, we hear from various guys about the importance of getting a 1-on-1, and it’s Martin, aka Frosty[1] , who hits the jackpot this time. It’s something of a strategic choice for Michelle since she sent his boy Jamie home last week, and she wants to know where his head and heart are.

They do some fast and furious stuff in (promotional considerations by) BMWs before changing into robes and getting into a hot tub that looks like a giant pail. Seems weird to me, too. I guess I get it. It’s still COVID. The producers are doing the best they can at working with what they have.

Frosty decides to tell Michelle that he still rides with his boy Jamie which may not have been the best move.

This rubbed Michelle the wrong way, but they got it all sorted out over dinner in a long convo about feelings about not having feelings and working on having feelings and sharing feelings [cue The Jacksons Can You Feel It]. Basically, the whole Jamie thing was much mini-drama about nothing.

The Group Date was a dress-up (or undress in the case of the dude who got the briefs) for a slumber party which was a clever idea that unfortunately went bad. Slumber parties being a quintessential rite of passage for young girls would be something guys would have no familiarity with. It seemed like an excellent opportunity to hang with Michelle and do some non-testosterone-related stuff that would have pleased her, but the guys turned the date into Guys Night Out and did testosterone-related stuff with each other [cue Dua Lipa Boys Will Be Boys].

The frat boy vibe got even worse when the hot WWE Bella Twins showed up[2] to officiate stuffed animal fights because this is what every teenage girl hopes guys will do to win their heart. The intensity of the guys’ concern with and competition against each other to the exclusion of paying attention to Michelle got her up into her feelings – making her feel “not seen.” [cue The Who See Me, Feel Me/Listening to You]

At the wrestling winners’ after-party, Michelle called her issues to their attention, and everything seemed fine, which of course, means everything wasn’t really fine. This is called foreshadowing, boys and girls.

Rick, aka Dinner Table Dude, got the precious 1-on-1 date that My Daughter Diandra (MDD) thought borrowed from the movie Something New. They have a moment which was inevitable because: 1) they got the heights-trope date; 2) looked at the stars[3] (a variation on the fireworks trope); 3) and got after-dinner music from Andy Grammar, a more prominent artist than usually gets this gig, so he’s clearly looking for a COVID paycheck. Dinner Table Dude has that sincere Grocery Store Joe Vibe, Michelle likes him, and I think he will be around for a while.

The cocktail party . . . whoa. Girlfriend comes down the stairs looking all kinds of fine. Some rando dude Chris the Snake puts all the guys on blast for not “seeing” Michelle without knowing that she had already addressed that with half of them as a group and some of them individually. He especially put the heat on early favorite Nayte, which created some drama between them and was designed, I’m sure, to create some drama for us, the viewers at home.

Said drama was realized when Michelle had two roses left, and neither Nayte nor The Snake had roses. Said roses went to Nayte and . . .

Next week Michelle takes the guys to her hometown of Minneapolis. I agree with my dear friend CS, a loyal follower of these Musings, that we need traveling dates again. I will especially be looking to see if there is a pilgrimage to the holy ground that is First Avenue, where many scenes from Purple Rain were filmed.

Although she was very clear that nobody has it in the bag, I think some of the guys are starting to make serious impressions on Michelle and I’m looking for this trip to bring some clarity to the journey. I’m feeling Brandon, Baller Joe, Dinner Table Dude (Rick), and Nayte. Just below them in the Friend-Zone Waiting Room are Ola and Rodney?

Speaking of Brandon, here’s the Tweet of Night.

See you next week.

P.S. This week’s viewing wine: Diosares Rioja Crianza. Tart dark cherry upfront with a crisp, lean aftertaste.

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[1] I mean dude’s hair is a LOT. An awful lot.

[2] Much to My Daughter Diandra’s (MDD) delight who knows about them through her complicated web of trash TV (her description) shows.

[3] In the planetarium.