Hit the Road, Jamie!

Jamie. Jamie. Jamie. We had Jamie at the beginning. Jamie in the middle. And Jamie at the end. Winning or losing – not that Jamie ever thought he was losing – he did his narcissistic best to make sure everything was about him. Fortunately, Michelle walked him out of our lives [cue Jean Knight Mr. Big Stuff “you’re never gonna get my love”] until he re-emerges on The Men Tell All. But before his exit, he had four moments worth mentioning:

  1. Never mind the off-kilter spoken word poem about a lost girl, a guardian angel, and other stuff from a 60s hallucinogenic trip; I want to know how he lost his poetry book? Weren’t they in a confined space with just one assignment – write a poem in the book? Did he forget which one of the bathroom stalls he left it in?
  2. After Brandon got the second group date rose, he went to a producer to talk trash about the inferior level of competition he was up against. Prior narcissists (see Luke Parker, aka The Lukeness Monster) never went to that level before.
  3. Math Dude Romeo used the word “obfuscation” in describing Jamie’s telling of events. I like big words, I cannot lie. Given his lousy math last week, perhaps he should have been an English major.
  4. Nayte’s facial expressions when Jamie was ‘splaining hisself to her during the Rose Ceremony were everything.
That look when you’re reading a dude for filth.

Weaved throughout the Jamie saga was a rather uninteresting show that was expressly designed to annoy My Daughter Diandra (MDD) and me with our two of our least favorite date themes: Males Literally Fighting to Woo the Fair Maiden and Men Publicly Sharing Their Feelings.

The first happened during the Top Gun date [cue Kenny Loggins Danger Zone], which started well with the guys taking a stomach-destabilizing ride in the dizzying G-Force accelerator but was hijacked by Pizza Dude finding reasons to hate on L’il Willy [cue The Sweet Little Willy]. And then the testosterone levels got further jacked up by the mano-a-mano battles where Pizza Dude couldn’t handle all that work L’il Willy was giving him.

I HATE FIGHTING DATES!!! Is violence the way to a girl’s heart? What girl believes this? I wish the franchise would retire this ugly trope[1].

L’il Willy got the Group Date Rose and a bomber jacket which infuriated Pizza Dude even more. The feud carried over to the cocktail party, where one by one, the guys left the scene except for Nayte, who coolly sat between them sipping his wine. This situation had to be set up by the producers, but it was a good moment of comic relief, one that was soon to be ruined by Pizza Dude going all three-year-old tantrum and throwing L’il Willy’s jacket into the pool. Sigh.

The second group date was a spoken word poetry date where the guys dropped bars about their deep feelings for a girl they met a minute and a half ago. These absurd public contests of who can out-vulnerable who after five minutes into a “relationship” too often show up as an early-season trope. I don’t find these show-your-feelings group dates meaningful or entertaining, and I HATE THEM.[2]

Oh yeah, there was a 1-on-1 with some guy named Rodney. I think he’s eventually going to be friend-zoned. On the other hand, Michelle really seems to like Nayte. This relationship is one to watch. I’m not saying it will go the distance, but I am sure it will go far.

Jamie’s brief journey for love, thankfully, is over. [cue Bad Company Bad Company]

See you next week.

P.S. This week’s viewing wine.

[1] The Bachelor is just a guilty, as it has featured the girls boxing and mud wrestling to win their guy. I hate fighting there, too.

[2] It is also the type of event that is heavily biased against introverts. I have long believed that the entire franchise favors extraverts which makes for better television but puts many suitors at a decided disadvantage.

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