Well, we are at the halfway point, and we are finally starting to get some clarity about Clayton’s journey to find love – and by clarity, I mean that we name 3-4 other people besides Clayton and Jessie Palmer. By the way, is it Clay-ton, Clay-tin, or Clay.IN? I find the latter really annoying.
Serene gets a 1-on-1. They go to an amusement park and ride scary, loopy, droppy things. In a quiet moment Clay.IN says, “I think there is more to you than I’ve seen.” That would sound profound if you’ve known someone for more than a minute. But when you’ve only known someone for a minute, it sounds stupid.
They go to dinner – promotional considerations paid for by The Astorian.
Serene looks hot. He looks his usual dull in brown-on-brown. Who dresses this man?
She shares the various losses of meaningful people in her life. And she thinks she’s in love.
So while Serene hopefully seals her invite to Paradise – I didn’t feel that let’s-meet-the-folks chemistry – there is drama undealt with back in the house. Clay-tin meets up with the football game-winners to get the scoop on Cray-Cray Shanaenae, of which he gets plenty. While he’s doing that, the losing team is reading her for filth. When the winners return, Marlena the Olympian tells Cray-Cray that “actions have consequences.”
Clay-ton pulls Cray-Cray aside, and she goes all Meryl Streep by faking accountability for her actions, then goes all Julia Roberts faking an apology to the girls. Of course, she gets the final rose of the evening, much to the shock of Rachel.
That ends our time in Houston. Next up is an international trip to . . . Toronto? I mean, that’s technically true, but there should be some kind of rule as to how many miles across your own border qualifies as “international” travel.
Gabby gets a 1-on-1. She and Clay-tin see Toronto by air and by sidewalk. They go to dinner, and he dresses badly. Who attires this man, and why do they hate him?
And Gabby introduces us to a new phrase in The Bachelor lexicon, “she’s on her way to falling in love” with Clay.IN. There does seem to be a mutual attraction. Many seasons have a mid-season dark horse. Perhaps, this is Gabby.
The Group Date is a roast with the girls coming for each other for comedic value. There were a few crossed lines involving STDs and cougar accusations, but the girls seemed to take it all in stride. The absentee star of the show is Cray-Cray Shanaenae, and the girls go hard at reading her for filth for comedic value, while the invited guests are wondering, “Who the %$#@ is this Shanae, eh?”
Despite Clay-un’s (slipped in a new one) hot make out sesh with Sara, Rachel – whose features remind me of some combination of Paris Hilton and Jewel – gets the Group Date Rose, solidifying my belief that she is one of the several women Clay-ton has fallen in love with.
But some drama began prior to the Group Date. After Susie read all of the names, it became apparent that Shanae and her new primary antagonist, Genevieve, were set up for a climactic 2-on-1. They’re at Niagara Falls, and if I’m Genevieve, I won’t let Cray-Cray ever get behind me, no matter how awkward that looks.
And that is the cliff we are left hanging on. Will one go? Will both go? Has the time come for the vile villain to evaporate into the mist?
Before I leave, here’s a little info on last week. My Crack Research Staff discovered some intel on the random people whose cookout Clay-tin and Rachel crashed. They are the owners of Blood Bros. BBQ, “one of Houston’s acclaimed barbecue joints.” The Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) blurred out their logos. I guess they didn’t pony up the cash for those promotional considerations.
See you next week.
P.S. A repeat of last week’s wine. At under $8.00, I kinda stocked up. 🙂
 My Daughter Diandra (MDD).