Is Susie’s Foolish Heart Calling?

We were promised two things about this final episode: a “shocking conclusion “and “the most controversial in Bachelor history.” Rather than recap this last step in the journey, I want to comment on how well the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) kept their promises.

As to the first, it was not fully delivered. Nothing is shocking about two women that felt betrayed and lied to not end up in a relationship with the perpetrator of the betrayal and lies. On the contrary, it was quite satisfying to see Gabby and Rachel read Clay-dumb for filth in Iceland and for a second time in front of a televised national TV audience.

It was even more satisfying to see Gabby look hot while throwing fire. My Daughter Diandra (MDD) and my friend CS were full tilt texting me, and the interwebs were zealous in their support of Gabby.

Likewise, Rachel looked beautiful, strong, and poised in her declarations of being done with Clay-dull[1] during her time on the Therapy Sofa.

So, shocking? No. Rachel and Gabby performed as expected. But “shocking” was partially delivered. And the shocking part does come with controversy. Whether that will be “the most controversial in Bachelor History” is left to time, although today’s instant-react-on-Twitter Age has already generated a lot of heat.

It should be apparent that I’m referring to The Return of Susie. And as to this, I have more questions than answers, and those questions are mostly about myself as a Bachelor viewer.

The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes[2]. For example:

  • I am a kind, decent, and forgiving person.
  • I hate Clayton with the white-hot heat of a thousand burning suns and want him to live the rest of his wretched life alone in abject misery.

Why does it make me so happy to see Gabby and Rachel not only reject Clay-in but also absolutely humiliate him?

Why was I so hoping for Susie to reject him, too, after her time of reflection? Why was I anxious that she wouldn’t reject him?

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You’ve been wrong before
Don’t be wrong anymore

Songwriters: Perry Stephen Ray / Goodrum Charles R (randolph)

In other words, why did I want Clay-uhn to end up alone? And not in the sense of being romantically unattached but alone in the sense of being a pariah?

Why was I so disappointed with The Return of Susie and horrified to find out they are a couple?

Isn’t it weird to see a couple in a relationship where they acknowledge that millions of people are actively upset about it? “We’re both expecting a little backlash. People are not rooting for us together.”

Not exactly an enthusisastic Nation.

And lastly, why was I hoping that a desultory season – mostly made so by a dull lead – would end satisfyingly by the devastation of said lead? [cue Jazmine Sullivan Bust Your Windows] Why does this complete stranger matter?

But I am a kind, decent, and forgiving person.

I need some time to ponder my cognitive dissonance. [cue Elton John Social Disease[3]]

Maybe I’m upset because the finale didn’t let me feel as snarky as usual. Except there’s this: Big Tony is not buying another season of his daughter dating on national TV.

And we can only hope for more screen time for Gabby’s Grandpa. MDD suggests televised Facetimes with him, and I think we’re all here for that. Moreover, the contrast between him and mob boss Tony will be amazing.

In the end, there is this. Only ONE Bachelor has married in 25 seasons of the show. Only one other – Matt James and Rachael Kirkonnell – is in a relationship. So, we can probably expect Clayton and Susie not to work out, too. Our current disappointment is just that – current. Again, why I am rooting against them is weird.

EXCEPT, Matt and Rachael had a well-publicized meltdown of their engagement that they managed to recover from. So maybe love will find a way [yes, cue Yes Love Will Find a Way].

Finally, I’m fine with Gabby AND Rachel being co-Bachelorettes. They “earned” the role individually. They both could be good TV in different ways. And they are SO close, amazingly so, given the circumstances of being in love with the same man and bonded by being hurt by the same man [cue Andrew Gold Thank You for Being a Friend[4]. I have no idea if the EGPs know how to do this, but I’m happy to see them try. Why not shake up the status quo for a season and see what was learned that wouldn’t be discovered without breaking the mold one time. I’ll try to remember that when I rip their stupid idea, LOL.

Last thing. Loved seeing Neil Lane there to get the ring back or collect the deposit and set up payment terms.

“Hand over the ring or show me the money.”

See you later for whatever edition of The Bachelor franchise comes next.

P.S. While I was enjoying the Italian red Amore Asoluto Antiche Terre Venete I opened Monday night, friends I was live-texting within a different time zone sent me a pic of their viewing wine, a nice quality-to-price ratio bold Cab (need to put more in those glasses, though 🙂 ).

P.P.S. While you’re waiting for the next round of The Bachelor franchise, be sure to check out my regular updates on American Idol.

[1] Thanks for that one, CS!


[3] “I’m a genuine example of a social disease.”

[4] The theme song from the TV show Golden Girls (1985-1992).

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