Bahama Drama

It’s off to the Bahamas for Episode 4 of Zach’s quest to find his best friend (take a sip) and he’s “ready to take it up a notch.” A rather odd statement given that Bachelor Nation is waiting for him to take a first notch from which to take it up. As for the girls, each is wishin’ and hopin’ (cue Dusty Springfield) for a 1-on-1 to validate their relationship.

Katherine – one of my original The Four to Look Out For[1] – (who now is going by Kat so that we can confuse her with Kaity who got last week’s Group Date Rose [GDR]) got the 1-on-1 and she was thrilled: “We’re going to be, like, in the water, so it’s going to be very intimate. I’m very excited about that.”

The girls are feeling a way about Kat’s excitement, too.

Zach also gives us some indication about his state of mind, “I’m just a Bahama Papa looking for his Bahama Mama!”, an utterance so bad that he should be penalized three notches.

That said (take a sip[2]), the chemistry between Kat and Zach, and the comfort they have with each other is unmistakable (cue Sylvester You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real). In Zach’s own words, it was “like two meteors colliding and creating a star!” Does he know that isn’t how stars are . . . oh, never mind.

And KAT GOT THE FIREWORKS!!!! In my opinion, all indications are that Kat will be around for a while.

Next up was the Group Date. As the Evil Genius Producers (EGPs) know, too much focus on Zach leaves them at risk for viewers tuning out, so they turned our attention (and much of the episode) to beef between Stasi (Anastasia) and Kylee (cue Michael Jackson Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’).

Said beef began with Stasi assertively – some might say aggressively – grabbed some time with Zach. While she may have been trying to take their tenuous – some might say non-existent – connection up a notch, it was clear how off Zach’s energy was with her. Meanwhile, Kylee finally worked up the assertiveness to get some time with Zach while Stasi was still in her time with Zach, a move wholly unappreciated by Stasi.

A rather tame argument ensues and eventually, Stasi reluctantly exits but not before Kylee says she doesn’t want to “fight” with Stasi. And Kylee gets her time with Zach, time that Zach couldn’t wait to end while Kylee tried in vain to get him to hold her hand. Holy zero vibes, Batman!

The rest of the Group Date then focused on the girls discussing varying definitions of “fight”, e.g. arguing (Team Kylee) or the actual throwing of hands (Team Stasi); “being here for the right reasons” (take a sip); and gaining Instagram followers. The latter got Zach’s attention, so he takes a meeting with Stasi, and all of Bachelor Nation could see her hours were being numbered.

That said, Zach and Ariel make good use of their Group Date time and she ends up with the Group Date Rose (GDR). We haven’t seen much of Ariel to this point, but she made quite the impression and Zach appeared smitten by her. The EGPs tried to make Zach appear funny with a double entendre involving conches. It failed badly. That being said (take another sip), there’s usually a dark horse or late bloomer – take your choice of metaphor – that makes a late but deep run every season, and perhaps Ariel is it.

That said (you know the drill), the Stasi/Kylee beef was left unresolved for the time being.

Zach’s other 1-on-1 was with rodeo rider Brooklyn, about whom Zach said, “I want to know her for her.” Not sure who else he might want to know her for, but I was hoping he’d find out how a rodeo rider from Oklahoma gets named Brooklyn. That would have been one of my first questions at dinner.

Unfortunately, we found out about her history of being emotionally and physically abused. It’s hard for me to process how someone who exudes so much light had to experience so much darkness. Very, very sad.

Finally, we ended with a Rose Ceremony where somebody named Mercedes got a rose.

The Stasi/Kylee contretemps was finally resolved in favor of Kylee but only because somebody needed to go home first. If Stasi’s flight gets delayed, Kylee may meet her at the airport as I expect she may be in the next round of exits.

By the way, notice how little screen time Greer got again?

See you next week.

P.S. This week’s viewing wine was a delightful (taste and bargain price) Parcelica Chica, an 85% Monastrell/15% Syrah blend.

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[1] Katherine, Jess, Greer, Charity

[2] Zach uses this one frequently when he says something in one breath that he’s about to take away in the next.