Some Dark. Some Light. And Some Deep Hoops Knowledge

Since My Girl Rachel – by now you know how much I like her – likes to keep it one hundred, I feel I need to do the same. We’ve come to expect a villain on all of our Bachelor franchises. They’re part of our entertainment and lest we not take them too seriously, sometimes the lead likes them enough (Ben/Cruella de Courtney; Nick/Corinne) to force us to take them all seriously. Which, of course, makes them even more villainous.

But we’ve never had to deal with a racist villain. In the season with the first black lead. So I’m not apologizing for pausing the TV and uttering some NSFW utterances over an early scene with Kenny and Lee The Snake that can best be summarized like this:

Black person educates white person about the history of race.

White person (in this case The Snake): “So he plays the race card.”

Me: Argggghhhhhh

It’s an interesting situation that The Bachelorette finds (put?) itself in. Hopefully, they can find a quick and graceful way out of it so that the Twitter hashtag #rosesnotracism – yes, it’s a thing – goes away.

Now onto the show.

• Rachel [thinking about Jack]: “We’re a perfect match on paper.” (kiss of death)
• Jack [talking to Rachel]: “The possibilities for us are limitless.” (kiss of death)
• Me [to My Daughter Cassandra]: “He’s (Jack) just so . . .”
• Me and My Daughter Cassandra in unison: “. . . Vanilla!”

And Jack goes home rose-less on his one-on-one. But not just because he’s not all that interesting. I’m guessing it had something to do with saying his dream date with Rachel begins with, “First, I’d lock you in a room . . .” I’ll just leave that there.

Three things I love about Rachel:

1. She shuts down cocktail parties early if she’s not feeling it. (And that black dress! O.M.G.)
2. She shuts down dead-end relationships early.
3. She can say, “He was like Jordan in the ’97 finals.” (Heart. Be. Still.)

So it’s obvious she’s really into Bryan the Kissy Chiropractor, as well as Gap-Toothed Peter. But did you see the group date rose going to Will? I didn’t see that coming and I get why Peter felt blindsided after he and Rachel’s next-level convo. As an aside, I need Will’s “Maintain Swagger” tee-shirt.

Which brings us to tomorrow’s resolution of the Kenny vs. Snake debacle. I – and hopefully all of America – am hoping Lee’s gone but in keeping with Rachel’s penchant for 100-ness, it’s certainly possible that Kenny goes, too. Despite saying he’s going to focus on her and not The Snake, he ends up focusing on The Snake. I get it but can see why Rachel won’t get it.

Still, what matters most is seeing how the editing of the previews will have had literally nothing to do with what actually happens in the second night of this epic two-night drama. C’mon. Aren’t you dying to know where the blood on Kenny’s face really came from? Or who or what Rachel’s really crying about?

“He was like Jordan in the ’97 finals.” Seriously, Rachel. That – and that black dress. You are not for real.

P.S. Was she referring to the famous “Flu Game” where Jordan willed himself and the Bulls to victory in a crucial game by scoring 38? I’m dying to know.