Rachel Gets Her Guy. But Was It the Right One?

So Bryan the Kissy Chiropractor (BKC) wins Rachel’s heart which means she dismissed the cases of Gap-Toothed Peter the Commitmentless; and Eric the Still Maturing, who wanted to know what love is[1] only to be told he’ll have to know with somebody else. Now Rachel will have to deal with BKC’s mother’s Oedipal over-protectiveness and a lifetime of face-sucking kisses[2].

But the question that has to be raised is whether Gap-Toothed Peter the Commitmentless was actually The One. His excruciating sit-down with Rachel and Chris Harrison seemed to indicate that he still badly wants to be but she’s checked him off her list and moved on to “living her best life”. Because every lovelorn guy wants to hear his ex[3] say to a national television audience how great her life is with the other guy.

It is a tribute to the irony that is at the core of this show that the loser of this season was the person with the most realistic expectations. As enchanted as he was with Rachel, in the world outside The Bachelor franchise it’s hard to blame the guy for not wanting to propose to a woman he’s known for ten minutes when she was dating other guys for eight of them and spent the night with another guy the night before. Yes, we all know that’s how the show works and the cast is supposed to know that, too. Still, I’m not unhappy to see somebody act like a sane individual.

As for Rachel, I can’t help but feel like she really wanted Gap-Toothed Peter to be The Committed but settled into the trap of her own I-Came-for-a-Ring-and-I-Sho’nuf-Am-Leaving-with-One. But, again, she seemed so genuinely happy and settled about her decision. I’m still not so sure.

This all begs another question – will Peter the Commitmentless be cast as the next Bachelor? He seems perfect for the role: handsome, sensitive, easy-to-like guy who got his soul crushed at the end. And there would be the whole cliff hanger of whether he can actually get on one knee according to the show’s schedule. But the show would have to accept the risk that Peter is still going to be unreasonable by wanting to take time before making the Final Commitment.

The other losers[4] are similarly “flawed” because it’s not enough to be a normal person falling in love on national television. You have to be right for the role. Dean is young and has the whole thing with his father that would be hanging over our heads for an entire season. Eric is young, too, and lacks the gravitas to carry the show as the lead much less as the first black male lead.

At least we know it won’t be Juan Pablo whose wedding announcement by Chris Harrison was greeted with a stunningly funny silence by the studio audience.

But why care about that now? I’m ready for the mirth, the mayhem and the ridiculicious-nuss[5] of Bachelor in Paradise that is awaiting us. 🙂


[1] Cue cheesy Foreigner song.

[2] And I had to deal with My Daughter Cassandra saying she predicted Bryan would win.

[3] There clearly needs to be a better term for this.

[4] There clearly needs to be a better term for this.

[5] nuss is ness to the nth degree.

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