It’s Time for Paradise!

“I left my dog to come here and take a chance on finding love.”

Yes, boys and girls. Finally, it’s back – the mirth, the madness, the mayhem that is Bachelor in Paradise. And this year it came back after the threat of never coming back, to which all of Bachelor Nation breathed a collective sigh of relief once it was announced that we’d not only get our annual end-of-summer dose of ridiculicious-nuss[1], but that we’d finally get the highly edited and professionally produced version, rather the real story, nah, the highly edited and professionally produced version of what really (wink, wink) went down between those two sincere lovebirds Corinne of the Platinum . . . uh, we’ll just go with Corinne the Platinum and Double Dealing D that was such an existential threat to our summertime hilarity.

But prior to tomorrow night’s resolution of the SINGLE MOST SHOCKING MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE BACHELOR FRANCHISE, we – and by “we” I mean “me” – were presented with several key developments, and by “developments” I mean my three favorite rejects[2] from Nick’s season: Raven, Danielle and Kristina. (I was and remain a Nick fan but I’m still salty that he picked Vanessa over any of those three.)

I’m just gonna put it all out there because that’s what we’re supposed to do on these shows – the utterly adorable Raven is totally a My Girl. I am really pleased with the producers’ choice to cast her as the early ringleader in Paradise this season. With the screen time she is likely to get this summer, she has a real shot of doing something special. No, I’m not referring to her getting engaged. I’m saying she has a real shot of entering Ray’s Bachelor Franchise My Girl Hall of Fame![3]

I also really love Wells as the new bartender replacing the tearfully departing Jorge. Nothing against Jorge but Wells is perfectly cast in this role. He’s smart, chatty and the girls will not be able to not flirt with him. Danielle’s been there already.

I’m starting to like “I Know Emotional Intelligence When I See It, Bish” Taylor. That’s wrong, isn’t it? I know. If you have to ask the question . . .

Which brings us to Tuesday night. Who will the girls send home? What other new people will arrive? Specifically, when will Daniel and all of his preposterous-nuss show up? How many dramatic pronouncements will Chris Harrison make? And what will we learn about those two sincere lovebirds Corinne the Platinum and Double Dealing D?

Who cares? Just give us more Raven.

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[1] nuss is ness to the nth degree.

[2] There needs to be a better word for this.

[3] Current occupants are Ali Fedotowsky (whose season I actually never saw; I learned about her on the TV show First Look which follows SNL because My Daughter Diandra said, “You’ll like her.”; and Sharleen Joynt, the opera singer. And while not achieving My Girl status, the Hall has a special wing devoted to Cruella de Courtney, my all-time favorite “bad” Bachelor franchise character.