Bahama(s) Drama(s)

With four hometown visits on the line, Becca was going to face some tough decisions this week, especially since she’ll have to visit a family of some guy she’s not into. So naturally the show had to begin with Coach Chris the Camp Counselor helping Becca validate her feelings. Those feelings were going to be clarified through three 1-on-1 dates and one 3-on-1 date, a really well thought out plan to efficiently send home two of the three guys she doesn’t want to go home with.

Did you follow all that complicated math? It certainly meant a lot to the guys who apparently spend their hours strategizing with each other what every move from Becca means. I clearly would never have been a good fit for the show since I prefer to spend my time poring over basketball advanced analytics stats and every genre and category in the Billboard music charts.[1]

The first date was with Golden Child Colton. [cue Derek and the Dominos To Tell the Truth] His recurring role in The Young and the Sexless didn’t play very well to the guys who acted as if he should be shamed by wearing a scarlet V around his neck. However, it played much better with Becca than it did with them and she renewed him for at least another episode. Actually, I think that whole sordid story line was filled with unnecessary drama and probably left a lot of viewers feeling uncomfortable. But it seemed so appealing to the producers they decided to put the drama on blast even though much of it was manufactured and then amplified with sophomoric conch jokes. And finally, when Colton got up the nerve to reveal his deep, dark secret, Becca got up from the dinner table to process what this all meant to their future, while Colton, was left questioning whether it was all over for their relationship!!!



Moving on, Garrett got the next date and he and Becca recreated Bert Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in the famous beach kiss scene in From Here to Eternity, which the producers knew would not escape the notice of their older demographic. (I know this not because I’m old but because I know a lot about old movies, too.) Garrett unwisely decided to use some of his precious 1-on-1 time talking about the other guys. Eventually they got around to talking about how aligned they were. What they eventually never got around to was their respective political views[2] As much as Becca seems into Garrett now, it is hard to buy into him given what has been widely reported about his liking “hurtful, degrading and dehumanizing” (his words) politically-motivated Instagram posts.

Blake, thankfully, got the third 1-on-1 or else we would have watched him and his feelings slowly implode which would have been way worse than watching his feelings quickly implode. He’s so far in his head about where he stands with Becca that he may need a Navy Seal team to dive in and get him out of there. Obviously, we have to cue The Baja Men Who Let the Dogs Out for his date with Becca, as The Bachelor franchise adds another artist we haven’t heard from in decades[3] to its in-date concert roster. But who doesn’t like that song?

What actually got out was the “L” word from Blake. In spite of (in addition to?) his emotional baggage, Becca seems to really like all of his insecure deep feels and admitted in a solo interview that she was feeling the same. Hmmmm, is that foreshadowing or misdirection?

And then there was the group date. [Cue N’Sync Bye Bye Bye] Nice guy Leo, who has a habit of saying really nice things too long after the other guys have said nice things, got an early exit as predicted here. Wills, another nice guy who I think is saying nice things but mostly mumbles them, was another we-all-saw-that-coming exit. Which left Jason being not so much chosen as the last one left.

As always, we were shown a hot mess of hometown visit clips that will get a lot less hot and messy once we see the entire context.

See you next week.


[1] Well those things and perhaps the fact that I was never 6-foot four with muscles on my muscles.

[2] Such things never come up on the show.

[3] That song was from 2000! Feel older now?

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