The Men Tell All (and finally entertain us)

“Your favorite men of the season are back!” Except we didn’t have any favorites – well, I actually did have one but just one. And while Chris was re-introducing the guys to us, My Daughter Cassandra (MDD) and I kept saying, “Who was he? Was he on this season?” Male Model Jordan (MMJ) spoke for all of us when he said to one of the anonymous suitors, “I don’t know your name but it’s nice to meet you.” And, yet, with so many boring and forgettable Bachelors, there was enough bad blood between them to somehow make tonight’s Men Tell All the most fun episode of this otherwise abject season.

At the center of it all – because he has an amazing talent to make himself the center of everything – was Male Model Jordan (MMJ). Come at me all you want, but I enjoyed every minute of him this season. I agree with My Fave Bachelorette Ever Ali Fedotowsky-Manno[1] that he needs his own reality show. It seemed that all the guys had a negative MMJ story, to which he responded, “I’ve got billboards up in their minds and I’m paving highways.” Drop. The. Mic. Go ahead. Admit it. You can’t wait to see who he has mayhem with on Paradise.

A key feature of Tell All is time in the hot seat with Chris Harrison who makes an inordinate amount of easy money asking the same dumb questions each season to the guys/girls in the hot seat. Here are my comments on each (except for the already mentioned MMJ):

  • Joe the Grocer – He got more screen time in the hot seat than he did on the show IMG_1099but the fans (including MDD) liked his brief time enough to get him a spot on Paradise. I liked him, too. He and Yanni Leo (and to some degree Wills) had very atypical understated personalities as compared to the usual Bachelorette contestants.
  • Wills – Much was made about he and Becca being self-described “goofy nerds”. As with the date where they agreed that they shared this, I couldn’t help but think that NOTHING IN TWO SEASONS OF BECCA SUGGESTS THAT SHE IS A GOOFY NERD!!!! Look, it takes one to know one, and she is not one!
  • Colton the Golden Child – We had to endure more shaming over his scarlet V. Sigh. And we still didn’t get any clarity about the deal with he and Tia. I desperately want them to end up in The Boom-Boom Room on Paradise and end up engaged.
  • Jason – He passed his audition as the next Bachelor. Let’s all get used to this.
  • Jean-Blanc – The guys were not here for him at all. Apparently screwing up a cocktail party by upsetting Becca[2] is an unforgettable offense and the penalty for that is public shaming.
  • Chris – The return of the gospel choir!!! I (we) had come to dislike him so much that I forgot he made his out-of-the-limo entrance on the season opener with that choir. And he was able to put the cherry on top of his apologies for being such a jerk by having the choir serenade him with a soulful, hand-clapping “Chris was a jerk.”

One other thing has to be pointed out was the genuine affection that all the guys seemed to have for Becca which seemed greater to me than for Bachelorettes of the past. It does beg the question of what we as viewers want – nice but bland or edgy but better for TV.  Oh, we know the answer to that. 🙂

With that we await the ultimate moment of this dreadful season – the start of Bachelor in Paradise. The previews look fabulous, as always. We just have to get through the end of this Bachelorette season first. 😦


[1] Whose season I didn’t see. I learned about her from her time as hostess of First Look which came on after SNL. My Daughter Diandra told me I needed to watch because she knew I’d like her. She was right.

[2] “I love you, Becca. I don’t mean it though. The rules state that I should have said that by now. We good?”

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