Firsts. What firsts would I sling around to a group of strangers to try to impress someone? My first record I bought with my own money? My first concert? My first time hearing Sexy Back? With so many fond memories of memorable firsts, I would have told a story to own the Group Date. [cue Elvis Memories; Springsteen Glory Days; or The Judds Grandpa (Tell Me ’bout the Good Old Days)]
Demi used the group date to reveal herself as this season’s villainess. And she’s really making a hot mess out of Tracy. Is a 2-on-1 date between them in our future? I’m not sure if I’m up for that. As it stands now, Demi hasn’t shown herself to be a high-quality villainess but rather an annoying, lesser grade version of Corinne (S21, Nick Viall) which is not warming the dark cockles of my heart. And Tracy isn’t putting up much resistance as Demi’s foil.
In Colton-The Right Hannah pre-engagement news, he’s already very empathetically asked her how she’s feeling about the process and gave her a pep talk which included, “You remind me of home.” Last week was his mom. This week was his home. He’s known her for five minutes and he’s already talking mom and home. I hate that The Evil Genius Producers are manipulating my feelings like this. Is she or isn’t she is going to dominate my heart and mind every week.
I was losing in my fight to not psychoanalyze The Wrong Hannah’s 1-on-1 with Colton. I desperately need answers to the question of how a beauty queen has so little charisma and confidence. Did she spend all her time competing against and not relating to people? No time with guys? An uber-demanding helicopter parent? Feelings of inferiority related to Other Pageant Girl Caelynn? Don’t be fooled by the ever-present fireworks at the end of their date. They were flash over substance in my mind. Question: would a 2-on-1 between beauty queen babes with bad blood between them be too obvious or something to wish for? I need to see more before I decide.
Madame Butterfly Cassie remains a favorite and she’s already on my I Hope She’s on Paradise List if she doesn’t win.
And there’s still too many women to make sense out of it all. At one point my Daughter Cassandra asked, “Who’s she?”, referring one of the myriad contestants some of whom will become social media influencers and future viewing party hostesses. [cue Don and Juan’s 1962 hit What’s Your Name?]
That’s it for this rather unexciting week. As to next week, I’ll be traveling and will likely post during the weekend. Promise that you’ll wait for me. [cue Guns N’ Roses Patience]
 Yes, that’s a clever reference to the Group Date. Google “sling commercial” if you don’t understand why.
 I love the definition of villainess particularly with respect to The Bachelor: “a female character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.”
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