My Queen Makes a Decision

As always, Paradise Tuesday night provided plenty of things to poke fun at. With the arrival of foxy Jen, Blake has met enough girls at Stagecoach to form the world’s hottest basketball team.

And Kristen transformed into the Spawn of Satan.

But the night clearly belonged to My Queen Demi and Bachelor Nation’s collective night of cognitive dissonance. A show (Paradise) that exists to not take seriously the fact that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette take themselves so seriously is now taking itself seriously, too. Why I’m now about to be wax seriously about Paradise is my own cognitively dissonant concern but here I go.

1. I have a personal philosophy that exceptions should be granted for exceptional people. In the entertainment business, exceptional people become our entertainment and My Queen Demi (MQD) makes for great entertainment. So, I have no issue with MQD and her I-might-have-a-girlfriend-at-home dilemma being played as a storyline when the producers let Jed get absolutely crushed just three weeks ago for having a girlfriend at home on The Bachelorette.
2. To that point, Kristian being the next mystery person to come down the Paradise steps was fine with me rather than a Bachelor Nation alumnus. MQD’s reaction was so real and so raw – and so shockingly out of context. This, after all, is the show that’s supposed to make us laugh about the silliness of the relationships. However this plays out in the long run, i.e. the ratings, it sure was compelling in the moment.
3. What sucks, though, is the producer’s gambit means Derek gets unjustly crushed. I know. It’s reality TV and they sign waivers yadda yadda but this seemed cruel.
4. To that point, why do MQD and Kristian get to stay in Paradise? What function does that serve beyond torturing Derek even more? Why can’t they ride off the set together in their happily ever after and leave Blake and The Stagecoach Five and the rest of the Bachelor Nation peeps behind? Unless there is a proposal in the offing. Hmmmmmmm.
5. That’s it. I’m done caring about this. It’s freaking Bachelor in Paradise. I’ll leave commentary on the social importance to others. Let’s have some fun.

[Cue Lady Gaga Do What U Want]

Katie to Chris: “Do whatever you want.”

Katie when hottie Jen arrives and Chris does what he wants:

[cue Evanescence Sick] Chris literally gets sick on his date with Jen who says, “I hope he sees the long-term potential in us.” AFTER ONE DATE???????? Lawdhelpme I love this show so much.

[cue The Supremes Stop In the Name of Love] Memo to Chris Harrison: Please don’t let Nicole sing again. Like ever again. Not even hum. You have to because Clay is too nice to be the one to stop her.

[cue Jimmy Ruffin What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?] For his part, Derek handled his breakup with MDQ with an amazing amount of class and grace. An audition for the next Bachelor, perhaps?

Next week’s blog will come later in the week. It appears we will have new arrivals – more girls from Stagecoach? – which means more ridiculicious mayhem!

P.S. We stan for Hannah B. on Dancing With the Stars, amirite?