Your Labor Day Paradise Playlist

Here is your soundtrack to tonight’s summary of Paradise.

It’s Not Over Daughtry – Right on the heels of Nicole saying about her and Clay, “Nothing can ruin what we have”, Angela comes down the Paradise steps to ruin what she has.

To Tell the Truth Derek and the Dominos – JPJ confronts Derek with “facts” even though he admits he has no facts to substantiate his facts. Dude, the facts are that, dude, JPJ has lost his mind, bro. And, bro, I’m laughing like a silly dude in his face, dude.

Clarity Zedd – Haley, who, according to her, is nobody’s Plan B – and sadly, nobody’s Plan A, either – gets clarity from JPJ that she’s not part of his plan. For her part, she correctly confronts him for being a d-bag but the real star of that conversation was My Queen Demi over-hearing JPJ’s nonsense in the background. She seriously needs a larger and continuing role in The Bachelor franchise.

After her drama with the shameful JPJ, Haley wonders to Blake, of all people, why men are such trash. Blake be like:

Hello [is it me you’re looking for?] Lionel Ritchie – All the single ladies[1] Tayshia, Sydney, Kristina, and Haley, get pretty excited when early Hannah B. cast-offs Matt and Luke arrive. Haley was less than enthused after not getting asked on a date.

Boom Boom John Lee Hooker – Mike says that Dylan and The Impossibly Cute and Incredibly Annoying Hannah G. are spending all their time “boom, boom, boomin’. I don’t know if I’m buying it. Maybe cuz it’s I don’t want to.

You’ve Really Got a Hold on Me Smokey Robinson and The Miracles – I don’t like you, but I love you/Seems that I’m always thinking of you/Oh, oh, oh, you treat me badly/I love you madly/you really got a hold on me. On Luke’s date with Kristina, she tells him, “[Me and Blake] were more than friends. He was with someone else the night after me at Stagecoach. But he’s a good guy.”

(Lonely Boy The Black Keys) Blake’s current relationship status. Is that about to change tomorrow, though?

Mama Used to Say [take your time, young man] Junior – Forget the sign language. Sydney practically used smoke signals, Morse Code, skywriting, Braille, and ASCII[2] encouraging Matt to kiss her but he was worried about what his Mom would think. His Mom is probably thinking he would have lasted more than one week with Hannah B. if he went in for a kiss instead of riding in on a farm truck singing some stupid version of Old McDonald.

I’m a Loser The Beatles – Poor Derek. First, he loses out to My Queen Demi’s prior girlfriend. Then he gets re-Friend-Zoned – the cruelest form of Friend-Zoning – by Tayshia. He’s seemingly a good guy. Perhaps too good for Paradise. But he’s still getting that Bachelor edit, though, and sending himself home probably helps his cause. He may not get it but he’s certainly had his audition.

I’m So Excited The Pointer Sisters – (voice of Chris Harrison) RELATIONSHIPS ARE PUT TO THE TEST (Angela/Clay/Nicole; Katie/Chris “The Elder”). More hot drama between Kristina and Blake made hotter by the newly arriving new object of Blake’s attention. (voice of Chris Harrison again) AND DEAN MAKES A SHOCKING RETURN.

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[1] Yes, an Easter egg bonus track.

[2] I’m a computer nerd. I had to throw that in.